Being and Staying Authentic (Now That's Empowering!)

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” ~Carl Jung

This week, Jews worldwide celebrated the Jewish New Year, or Rosh Hashanah, a two-day celebration that begins on the first day of the first month of the Jewish calendar. While sitting in my synagogue, singing familiar prayer tunes, I reflected on the joys and sorrows of the past year. The Days of Awe (ten days of reflection between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur) always led me to question the purpose and meaning of my life and whether I feel satisfied with its direction.

"The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." - Mitch Albom

During his sermon, the rabbi discussed the importance of staying true to your identity, always being authentic, and not straying from who you truly are. (I love my simple yet eloquent t-shirt that says, “Life is good. Remember where you came from.”) People or events may try to tempt you from being your true self. During those times, we must remember the values, convictions, and beliefs that ground us, the things that remind us of who we truly are.

“Have convictions. Be friendly. Stick to your beliefs as they stick to theirs.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

It may seem as if teenagers' difficulties in staying true to themselves are limited. They are always bombarded with peer pressure in school, while radio, magazine, or TV ads capitalize on their need to fit in. (I used shimmering eye gloss so my eyes would look exactly like Cheryl Tiegs, and I drank Diet Pepsi to get that “girl watchers” look because “someone would be watching!” I read Seventeen magazines every chance I could to see what other teens were saying, wearing, and doing. Ugh.)

By our Second Chapter, we should be comfortable enough in our own skin to be true to ourselves. After all, we shouldn’t care about other people’s opinions at this stage of life. We are confident and worldly adults, right? Wrong! We are the infamous Baby Boomers, the ones advertisers are clamoring for to get our attention so we’ll purchase their product. (See the article in The Chicago Tribune about ads for Baby Boomers) Everything from wrinkle cream to eliminating cellulite to erectile dysfunction is all being marketed to catch our attention.

I look around, and within my circle of friends, I’ve seen couples purchasing second homes and/or sportier cars while some travel extensively. Some are sprucing themselves up to keep that young and natural look. Some retire early while enjoying their not-yet golden years by spending more time at their country club playing golf and eating dinner out five nights a week. Almost all of them talk about their new homes, vacations, or newfound radiance. Are they keeping up with the Joneses or simply rewarding themselves for many years of hard work? More importantly, are they being their authentic selves?

“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.” ~Rita Rudner

We could become jealous. We could be angry, upset, or even depressed. Do we always want what the other guy has? Do we always want something different than what we have today? Are we staying true to our authentic selves by buying newer and more extravagant products?

The dictionary defines authentic as “not false or copied; genuine; real,” and I add another word – true.

“This above all:
To thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.” ~Hamlet, William Shakespeare

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have nice things in our life for the right reasons. Everyone would like to live a comfortable life and have nice things. Unfortunately, I’ve spent too many lunches listening to others brag about their latest and greatest purchase as if it makes them superior human beings. Like my Dad used to say, “We all put our pants on one leg at a time.”

I FEEL AT EASE when I am around someone who is his or her authentic self. They seem to sparkle and shine in their authenticity. They dance to their own tune and live according to their own rules, never worrying about someone else’s standards. They revel in the knowledge that what they do and how they live is exactly where they want to be.

“What you are is what you have been. What you'll be is what you do now.” ~Buddha

Here is my list of what keeps me true to myself. What’s on your list?

1. Tune out naysayers. People are always willing to let you know their opinion of what you do, say, or think. Tune them out and let your true self shine through. In my Second Chapter, I’m working on creating my life according to my passions: writing and being a health advocate. Although I have a disability that hinders me from doing all I’d like, I focus on what I can do and use my abilities in my work. I don’t “look sick,” so people often wonder (out loud), “Why doesn’t she have a real job working nine to five?” or “If she’s so sick, why isn’t she in bed more often?” I tune them out and continue to write and advocate.

“We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.” ~Barbara DeAngelis

2. Finding Your Moral Compass. It’s essential to remain grounded in life by your values and beliefs. Those values will guide you throughout life by being your moral compass when facing challenging situations. I recently read the book “Happiness: How to Find it and Keep It” by Joan Duncan Oliver. I love what she said about living your truth:

“Your values tell your life story. What you do, say, think, and pray to speaks volumes about the principles that guide you. Where is true north on your moral compass? Whatever challenges you face, following your conscience can help you stay on the road to happiness. In the long run, it’s character that counts.” ~Joan Duncan Oliver

3. Journaling. I’ve said it before, and I’ll repeat it. Take a piece of paper and write down your innermost thoughts, desires, and goals. Make a list of what keeps you grounded (friends, religion, etc.) and how you can remain true to yourself. What obstacles get in your way? How can you avoid those obstacles? What relationships are harmful and toxic? What can you do to eliminate the negativity? Once you’re finished, look over your list. Refer to it when facing a challenging situation. It will keep you grounded and authentic.

“Journal writing is a voyage to the interior.” ~Christina Baldwin

4. Love Yourself. It sounds arrogant. But it’s the truth! You have to love the person you are right at this moment. You are your biggest asset, your best cheerleader, and the one who knows the beauty within you. Accept yourself unconditionally and love that person. Made a mistake? Love yourself anyway. Feel badly about the way you spoke to your spouse? Love yourself anyway. Yelled loudly at your children because you’re in a bad mood? Love yourself anyway. Those closest to you love you unconditionally. You should accept and love yourself unconditionally as well!

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” ~Lucille Ball

5. Accept the past and forgive those who hurt you. Holding onto anger from hurtful situations that happened long ago is a waste of time. You won’t change anything by holding onto the anger – you will only hurt yourself. We’ve all been hurt at one time or another. Parents, siblings, friends, and teachers have all been the source of past hurts. It’s time to move on and focus on the here and now.

“Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past. Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn't what you get for it, but what you become for it..” ~Steve Maraboli, Author of Life, the Truth and Being Free

I can think of no one better to end my post than the beloved Dr. Seuss. He said, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

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Please subscribe to my blog by clicking on the SUBSCRIBE button. Check out “Recent Posts to Keep You Empowered” and browse through past comments under “Comments to Enrich Us”. Please share my blog and pass it around… Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: Comments from An Empowered Spirit are brought to your attention on topics that could benefit you and should be discussed with your doctor or other medical professional. I am not medically trained, and my posts are journalistic and not in place of medical advice. An Empowered Spirit and its author will not be held liable for any damages incurred from using this blog or any data or links provided.

Remembering September 11

On a clear, crisp morning eleven years ago today, I waved goodbye to my son as his school bus pulled away. He looked out the window and waved his little hand at me in a gesture of "See you later, Mom." As I walked back home on my street, I talked with neighbors and discussed the beauty of the day and what was new in our lives. Suddenly a neighbor came running out of her house shouting, "The Tower has been hit! The Tower has been hit!"

Americans' lives have never been the same, and our innocence was gone forever.

Each September 11 at 8:46 AM, our heart skips a beat as we remember. We remember the lives lost, the families changed forever and a nation gripped in anger, shock, and grief.

We salute every brave hero - every policeman, firefighter, and volunteer - who bravely gave of themselves, some losing their lives, to help others that day.

As a New Jerseyan, a state that lost many of its citizens - neighbors, friends, and family - I thank Mayor Giuliani for holding us together that day and in the days that followed.

My prayers and thoughts are with those we lost that day and all their families and friends. We are with you and will never, ever forget you.

Empowering Yourself With The Food You Eat

“There is no sincerer love than the love of food” ~George Bernard Shaw

I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with food. Growing up, it was a love of all varieties of cheese, chocolate, and pasta. In college, I loved pizza, grinders (Boston’s equivalent of a NY submarine sandwich), and (as any good Boston College grad knows) beer! I love every ethnic cuisine available and am always eager to try something new.

Have you heard of the freshman 15? I returned home after freshman year with the freshman 30! Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $100. Go DIRECTLY to Weight Watchers!

Today there is a proliferation of food choices. Fifteen years ago, there were one or two Japanese sushi restaurants in our area, and I felt uncomfortable eating raw fish (that has since changed). Grocery stores did not have sections for organic and “natural” food. Wonder (white) bread was the bread of choice – housewives believed their slogan, “Wonder Bread Helps Builds Strong Bodies 12 Ways.” At home, we ate either lemon sole or salmon once a week for dinner; there was not a wide variety of fish offered locally. We never saw kale, swiss chard, arugula, or broccoli rabe offered in the vegetable aisle.

Local ethnic restaurants were mainly Italian (think heavy sauces like Fettuccine Alfredo) and Chinese (with the always popular Chop Suey) food. We ate full-fat, high-cholesterol, and high-sodium meals. (One more example: When I was in college, my father sent me a L-O-N-G salami from his favorite German deli. I was to tie a string on its top and hang it up to allow the “extra fat” to drip off. (Imagine my roommate’s horror!) Since my dad is German, this was typical fare. I can almost feel my arteries hardening just thinking about eating that salami!

Now that I’m in my fifties, I’ve learned to make smarter food choices for better health. Given the wider variety now available, I try to eat fewer calories/salt/fat/carbs and increase my daily intake of fresh fruits and vegetables. If organic food is available, I believe it’s wise to purchase it despite the higher price. (Read the Mayo Clinic article about organic vs. non-organic food to decide on buying organic food.) I rarely eat red meat (Read the CNN.com article about eating red meat) and mainly eat chicken (white meat/skinless), pork, and turkey. I use Trader Joe’s soy creamer for my morning cup of Joe and have nonfat, regular, or vanilla yogurt while adding fresh fruit and slivered almonds.

“When you go to the grocery store, you find that the cheapest calories are the ones that are going to make you the fattest” ~Michael Pollan, Author of Food Inc.: A Participant Guide: How Industrial Food is Making Us Sicker, Fatter, and Poorer-And What You Can Do About It

I’ve removed white sugar and white flour from my diet and stick to whole grains, like quinoa and wild or brown rice.

I drink 64 ounces of filtered water daily (It’s good for you and may prevent me from passing another kidney stone - ouch!) I drink lots of green tea. Green tea has antioxidant properties. There is evidence it may protect against certain cancers and reduce your risk of heart disease.

“Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul.” ~Dorothy Day

I love good food and the social aspect of savoring the meal, as the Europeans do, with family, friends, and good conversation. I’d lie if I said I never have cheese, chocolate, or pizza. Once in a while, I still grab a beer simply because I want one. (Last week, while in San Diego, I tasted a delicious new beer – Coronado Orange Wit – yum!) But these days, when I have something less healthy, I eat smaller portions and am mindful of each bite (Read the NY Times article about mindful eating.) This allows me to control what I eat and stops me from mindlessly putting food and drink in my mouth while I busily multitask doing work.

“Health food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better.” ~Robert Redford

Will changing our diet help us to live longer? I can’t say. I will say that we all have something in our life we have no control over. What we put into our mouths is something we all have control over. Hopefully, in the end, what we are eating will give us a better quality of life.

Healthy food doesn’t have to taste bad. In fact, these days, the food I eat is purer, fresher, and more flavorful than ever. So why the “hate” part of the love/hate relationship? Perhaps because I can’t eat whatever I want to without worrying about gaining weight or raising my cholesterol levels. But then again, I also can’t do a cartwheel or stay up late without feeling tired the next day.

“Growing up is losing some illusions in order to acquire others.” ~Virginia Woolf

In our Second Chapter, we have the knowledge and ability to erase the “hate” portion of our relationship with food by having more control over our food choices. Being more aware of our foods adds greater pleasure to our eating experience. Plus, it simply allows us to feel and look better. Once again, being over 50 ain’t so bad!

I’d enjoy hearing about your food stories and your “way of life” eating habits. Do you eat organic or do you think it’s a bunch of ridiculous rhetoric? Are you a vegan or vegetarian, and if so, why did you choose to become one? Do you eat the same as you always have and think limiting your food choices is silly? Please leave a comment and share your thoughts.

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Please subscribe to my blog by clicking on the SUBSCRIBE button. Check out “Recent Posts to Keep You Empowered”, and browse through past comments under “Comments to Enrich Us”. Share my blog and pass it around… Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: Comments from An Empowered Spirit are brought to your attention on topics that could benefit you and should be discussed with your doctor or other medical professional. I am not medically trained, and my posts are of a journalistic nature and not in lieu of medical advice. An Empowered Spirit and its author will not be held liable for any damages incurred from using this blog or any data or links provided.

An Empowered Spirit Contest Winners Announced!

Today is the day! The announcement of two winners for the first An Empowered Spirit contest.

Before I make the announcement, I’d like to share how difficult it was for me to decide on only two winners! Thanks to all of the contestants. You wrote heartfelt, thought-provoking, and insightful answers. This month I feel like I’d traveled from New England to Santa Fe to Paris. I took time to think about “knowing who I am and who I am not,” using exercise (like the swim technique“ the crawl”) as a way of helping me to focus clearly, and finding time to have periods of “nothingness” (a dream in itself!). I learned greatly from you and benefited from your honesty and spirit. I hope everyone who reads this will take time to read their comments (click the circle on the right of the title “Living Your Dreams – Share Your Comments to Enter Our Contest”). I promise - they will EMPOWER you!

So here it is:

Winner #1: Michael Winderman dreams of bringing his ailing father back to Paris, where he was educated after WWII. His father relished in the city’s magic and beauty, and Michael would like to share that magic with his father alongside him. Here is Michael’s beautiful entry:

“My Dream is a simple one, but I do not know if I can make it happen. My Dad wants to return to Paris with me and relive His college days after the War. He has a rare form of Cancer (stage 4) and is undergoing chemo. I told Him that if the Chemo is successful, I will organize the trip. I hope that someday my Dad and I can sit at an outside table of a Parisian Cafe and talk about life, food, and politics. I hope we hear Jazz Manouche(Gypsy Jazz) at a seedy bar in Montmartre. I hope He can take me on an insider’s tour of the Sorbonne, where He got His Doctorate. I hope we can hit His favorite Flea Market, drink Sancerre at His favorite Wine Bar, and haunt His favorite Streets and Alleys. That is my Dream. Every day I meditate on it. I have started reading travel guides, putting lists together, and working on learning French with Rosetta Stone.”

Winner #2: Janet O’Neill dreams of a simpler life while traveling and teaching her artistry in Italy and Germany. Janet strongly believes in G-d, and sets daily goals for herself while passing the light within her onto her students. Here is Janet’s eloquent entry:

“I dream of having a simple life but rich with experience. I want to paint and teach illustration and mixed media workshops in Italy and Germany in the summer. I want to travel, travel, travel.

I have a strong faith in God and work on it every day. I have created a few vision boards and actually make my students create them each semester. We return to them on the last day of classes as a reminder of their goals.

I continue working on my craft. I create something new every day and read about fostering creativity constantly. I make a daily effort to write down my thoughts and re-work my goals on a monthly basis. I take walks to clear my head and pray for guidance.

If you can afford it, visit one of your dream places every few months. If not, get a documentary on those places and start looking for jobs in several of them. Put your house on the market when you are ready – easier to buy than sell, so when you sell, you may have the catalyst to find your dream location! Go to restaurants that have the “feel” of your ideal location or invite friends over for dinner and have a theme party or meal that reflects your spot. Conversation can lead to brainstorming about making your move!

Go outside as much as possible and imagine you are in your dream location. For instance, mine is Santa Fe. I bought dishes that look Santa Fe-ish, made Mexican food, took walks picturing myself in the Santa Fe landscape, and painted images of the area as often as possible.”

I love your quote by Robert Browning:
“Each life unfulfilled, you see; It hangs still, patchy and scrappy:
We have not sighed deep, laughed free, Starved, feasted, despaired, – been happy..”

Congratulations to Michael and Janet! I will mail you a copy of The Tiny Buddha by Lori Deschene. I hope you enjoy it as much as I and many others do. Keep us posted on how you are doing – we’d love to hear about Paris, Germany, Italy, and Santa Fe!

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DISCLAIMER: Comments from An Empowered Spirit are brought to your attention on topics that could benefit you and should be discussed with your doctor or other medical professional. I am not medically trained, and my posts are of a journalistic nature and not in lieu of medical advice. An Empowered Spirit and its author will not be held liable for any damages incurred from using this blog or any data or links provided.