New Happiness Study By LANCET: Are You Middle Age Or A Senior?

As I was driving to meet a friend for lunch I turned the radio on to NPR's program "Here and Now" as they were beginning to discuss a new study published by LANCET. Michelle Roberts, the BBC News online Health Editor, was explaining a new happiness study that was linked to age, and that life follows a predictable course depending on where people live.

I quickly thought what perfect timing this was since the broadcast sounded fascinating and could be the subject of my next NaBloPoMo post.

That was until I heard:

"In Western world nations, life satisfaction bottomed out between the ages of 45 and 54 before rising again."

According to this study midlife was between the ages of 45 -54. Whoa! Really? For the next few minutes I didn't hear anything except the sound of my own thoughts racing inside my head.

A few of them were:

Are those ages correct?
Who makes up age ranges? What are they based on?
At age 55 am I suddenly considered a senior citizen?
Do I need to start checking off my Bucket List items a little faster?

The study went on to say that, "This is the period at which wage rates typically peak and is the best time to work and earn the most."

Oh, boy.

So if they are correct about the age range of midlife, then my husband and I already hit our peak of wage rates (yikes!) AND we are now senior citizens (double yikes!)

When I got home I checked a few sources on the Internet to see whether or not I was a senior citizen. I found that the U.S. Census says middle age is anywhere between ages 35 - 54.

Oh, no. It's getting worse.

However, the updated version of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the standard diagnostic manual of The American Psychiatric Association) defines it as 45 - 65.

Phew.

Suddenly I began feeling ashamed of myself. Why? Because my reaction to the definition of midlife did not coincide with what I write, what I believe in or what I preach to others.

In the end, it really doesn't matter what the study, the census, the manual, or the gods-that- be say.

I am 55 years old, and there aren't any statistics that can change the essence of who I am. I am the same person I was before and after I listened to the program. So when I tell someone "You're as young as you feel" I sincerely mean it.

Whether I'm in my middle years or a senior citizen doesn't matter. What matters is what's in my heart, and how I feel about who I am.

That is my own personal happiness study.

Freedom, Voting And My Grandparents

As I walked into Target I noticed several people staring at me. Wondering what they were looking at, I tussled my curls with my fingers in case they looked particularly Don King-ish again. Then I quickly glanced down at my clothing and suddenly I was reminded that the “I Voted” sticker with its tiny American flag was still attached to my sweater.

I’d forgotten about it because I was damn proud to wear it.

The first time I was eligible to vote in a presidential race was in 1980 when incumbent President Jimmy Carter ran against California Governor Ronald Reagan and Republican Congressman John Anderson, who ran as an Independent. Away at school I mailed in my absentee ballot.

It was a proud moment in time for me.

I’ve always been proud to be an American and the freedoms that we enjoy. As a woman I’m proud and thankful for the woman suffragists who came before me, fighting for the right for women to vote.

I have others to thank as well.

My maternal great-grandparents were forced to flee Russia amid the waves of pogroms that set out to annihilate Jews who were being persecuted in droves. My beloved grandmother used to tell me stories about escaping as a little girl. Her stories reminded me of the little town of Avatevka in "Fiddler on the Roof" and highlighted the heartache of leaving behind loved ones with the hope of finding a better world.

My paternal grandparents had the wisdom and foresight to realize it was time to leave their homeland of Germany weeks before Kristallnacht (or “The Night of Broken Glass”) when the Nazi paramilitary carried out a series of coordinated attacks against the Jews. With two young sons in tow, they escaped the most heinous crimes against humanity by sailing to America with the promise of hope and freedom.

Their ultimate sacrifices of leaving behind family and friends to escape to a new world of freedom allowed me to live a rich, full life in America. I never thought much about it as I was growing up because my childhood was filled with magic in a town that felt very Mayberryesque.

It wasn't until my first absentee ballot when I realized I had a lot to be thankful for.

I think it’s the human condition to take things for granted. As Americans we are used to our freedoms. Freedom of speech, freedom of the press and freedom of religion are a small sampling of what we enjoy according to The Bill of Rights.

We also need to give thanks to our Founding Fathers for writing and ratifying the amendments to the Constitution that originally provided us with our freedoms.

This Thanksgiving we are headed to Boston for a much needed semi-vacation. Rich in American history, Boston is the perfect place to be mindful of all my family and I have to be thankful for.

As we sit down together for our Turkey Day meal, I plan on taking the time to reflect on all of my blessings. I have so much to be thankful for, and am grateful for the many freedoms my forebears allowed me to have today.

What are you thankful for?

The Words That Changed My Life

I used to teach my son that words can hurt and to be thoughtful when using them. Spoken words can never be taken back.

It's funny how the mind works. Sometimes we forget words that are spoken to us today, but over thirty years ago? We remember them perfectly.

The words I once heard that cut me to the core were spoken during my senior year of college.They may sound trivial now but at the time they were anything but. Eventually I realized how important they were because they forced me to take a hard look at myself. And by doing so it changed my perspective about myself, my outlook on life, and how I would eventually make peace with who I am.

None of this happened overnight.

It was a week before graduation and I knew I'd be leaving Boston for a long time because, as hard as I tried, I couldn't find a job in publishing.

Being in a city with over 200 colleges created stiff competition with other graduates.

I was (more than) lamenting the fact that I couldn't stay in Boston. I truly loved that city and its proximity to the rest of New England. I knew that once I got home I'd have to start applying to jobs by sending dozens and dozens of resumes out to publishing houses in and around Manhattan, another tough job market.

Instead of being happy the week before graduation I was miserable. What made it worse was that several of my close friends were staying in Boston. I was green with envy.

One day as I was declaring for the millionth time how miserable I was one of my roommates couldn't stand listening to my complaints and barked, "You always want what others have.You're never satisfied with what you have."

Ouch.

I was hurt and it stung. How could she turn on me like this? I didn't deserve such rudeness. Didn't she feel sorry for me? She must not be as good a friend as I thought she was.

It wasn't until my years of enlightenment (just kidding), a lot of introspection, and years of practice that I realized the truth:

Wherever you are is exactly where you belong.

I finally let go of the anger that I felt toward my roommate. I forgave her for being unkind. In the end, though, she really did me a favor.

Words can hurt and we must be thoughtful how we use them. We're all guilty of letting words slip out of our mouths in the heat of anger or frustration. And at one time or another we've been on the receiving end of harsh words. I hope that we all can find forgiveness for ourselves and for others.

Keep an open heart, because forgiving another person allows for an abundance of joy and happiness to enter into your life.

Have you ever been hurt by words that someone said to you?

Finding The Beauty In Life As We Age

"Stop and smell the flowers, and lose it in sweet music and dance with me.
There is beauty in the world.
So much beauty in the world.
Always beauty in the world.
There is beauty in the world.” ~Macy Gray

Grand Central Station, NYC

Beauty is all around us. I’m not referring to the kind of beauty we see on a twenty-something’s lovely face, or the shapely bodies sprawled across dozens of fashion magazines.

I’m referring to the literal meaning of beauty.

“A person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit.”

Shhh. Be still. Look around you. Smell the fragrant bouquet. Hear the compassion. Touch the grace. Drink in the wonder. Beauty surrounds us everywhere.

"Inner beauty is the light of love and when it radiates from you, those around you will glow." ~ Deepak Chopra

I grew up in Jersey, was weaned on life in Manhattan and went to school in Boston. Like many people growing up near a big city, I got used to life moving at a fast pace.

But as Ferris Bueller famously said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Ferris was right.

George Washington Bridge

This past weekend, hubby and I were part-time tour guides for a friend (I’ll call her “M”) and her mom who were visiting New York City for the first time. We loved our role, showing off a city we dearly love. I looked forward to seeing it through their eyes, waiting to catch that first glimpse of excitement.

I got more than I bargained for.

The trip was M’s gift to her mom for Mother’s Day. I watched the beauty of their mother-daughter relationship unfold, beginning with the tender care M took of her mom (“Mama”) to ensure she was comfortable as we walked in the rain to visit the city’s landmarks. Saying “please” and “thank you”, terms often neglected in our busy world, were frequently used. Tender loving hugs were given when we had to say good-bye.

The beauty of their Midwestern manners and loving hearts filled my own.

There is beauty in relationships, and beauty in how we treat one another.

I recently changed my health insurance company. This is a daunting task and one I hate taking care of. I researched several companies that fit my needs. Before signing up with a new plan, I was quoted dollar amounts for the copayments I’d be responsible to pay.

Let the games begin.

It was time to schedule a delivery for my daily injectable medication. I called the specialty pharmacy hotline. The operator typed my information into her computer, and then asked me a question that nearly gave me a heart attack.

She calmly said,” Your copayment will be $4,000 a month. Do you want to pay by check or credit card?”

I nearly dropped the phone. phonedrop

With a quivering voice, I insisted she repeat what she just said, and then demanded to speak to her advisor. Her advisor’s story was the same. I abruptly hung up.

I called the pharmaceutical company’s hotline to explain the situation. A delightful woman with a cheery voice asked a few questions, then assured me everything would be fine. I would qualify for coverage of my copayment.

She called the next day to simply make sure I was okay.

There is beauty among us. Beauty in sensitivity and compassion.

As we age, life becomes more complicated. We’re faced with daily challenges that can seem unbearable and stressful. As I see it, we have two options: Let it overwhelm you, or acknowledge it and move on.

Watch the beauty that happened among the ruins of Oklahoma (although if I were the reporter I would have dropped everything to help this women and her dog!)

There is beauty in nature and beauty among the ruins.

What beauty has happened in your life lately?

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