How To Find The Happiness You're Looking For

When I searched for the word “happiness” Google provided me with “almost 347,000,000 results” and Amazon showed 88,766 books on the subject. Then I searched for articles about happiness and found 75,800,000; there were also 1,100,000 results for happiness retreats.

Has happiness become so elusive, so unattainable that we need help finding it? Do we know how to be happy and to live in happiness? Do you think our forefathers wondered how to find their true happiness or is this a modern dilemma?

I can’t imagine John Adams writing heartfelt letters to Abigail about finding the key to happiness.

Wikipedia defines happiness this way:

So what is all the fuss about?

This week we watched the movie “Hector and the Search for Happiness” (2014) starring Simon Pegg, Rosamund Pike, Toni Collette and Christopher Plummer. The story is about a disillusioned psychiatrist who leaves his girlfriend and his practice in search of true joy and, well, happiness. In many ways this movie reminded me of “Eat Pray Love”; both are stories about economically privileged individuals flying around the world in search of happiness.

For some reason the Hector movie stayed with me and I couldn’t figure out why. I mean it was fun and enjoyable but not exactly Oscar worthy. So why was I thinking about it? Did something resonate with me? Was happiness eluding me, too? Or did I simply miss travelling the way we used to?

I heard a definite answer of YES to the travel question, but what about the others?

Anyone who knows me knows how much I want to move somewhere south, or west to California. They also know how much I’d love having my closest friends live nearby so we’d be able to share the everyday minutiae of our lives.

I’ve spent a long time thinking that my dreams were a destination to my happiness. I’ve long imagined being surrounded by palm trees ever since I was 10 years old and visited Florida for the first time. Leaving New Jersey behind during the winter felt like stepping out of a black-and-white movie and into a colored one. I was smitten for life.

It finally dawned on me that Hector taught me a valuable lesson: It was time to stop dwelling on the future and begin living more fully in the present. I’ve wasted too much time thinking about how much better my life would be if all my ducks were in a neat little row.

The future I’ve imagined may or may not happen. In the meantime, as I daydream about the future, I may be missing out on moments of happiness that surround me now. In this moment. And this one. And the next one. And the one after that.

"The secret to living the life of your dreams is to start living the life of your dreams today. In every little way you possibly can."~Mike Dooley

Happiness happens when you stop to look for it. Power down and be still. Quiet your mind. Look within yourself and all around you. Do you see it? Can you find it? It’s there.

It’s in the little moments of cuddling with your spouse, hugging your child, or being amused by your pets. It’s spending time talking to loved ones both near and far. It’s in a walk outdoors, being absorbed in a delicious book or watching an incredible movie. And, of course, biting into a scrumptious piece of heavenly dark chocolate.

Happiness is in the every day, ordinariness of life. Like Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Be fully present in all the moments of your life. Living fully and being aware of our blessings makes the moments of our lives more precious, without room for any regret. Being fully present means not waiting for a time in the future to make our happiness. Instead our happiness is now.

Do I still want to move out of winter? You bet. Would I still be happy having my closest friends live nearby? Absolutely. Am I always happy? That’s impossible. But Hector helped me realize how I can have more attainable life goals. So I’m not giving up on my dreams, I’m simply redirecting them in a positive way.

And that makes me happy.

Finding The Beauty In Life As We Age

"Stop and smell the flowers, and lose it in sweet music and dance with me.
There is beauty in the world.
So much beauty in the world.
Always beauty in the world.
There is beauty in the world.” ~Macy Gray

Grand Central Station, NYC

Beauty is all around us. I’m not referring to the kind of beauty we see on a twenty-something’s lovely face, or the shapely bodies sprawled across dozens of fashion magazines.

I’m referring to the literal meaning of beauty.

“A person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit.”

Shhh. Be still. Look around you. Smell the fragrant bouquet. Hear the compassion. Touch the grace. Drink in the wonder. Beauty surrounds us everywhere.

"Inner beauty is the light of love and when it radiates from you, those around you will glow." ~ Deepak Chopra

I grew up in Jersey, was weaned on life in Manhattan and went to school in Boston. Like many people growing up near a big city, I got used to life moving at a fast pace.

But as Ferris Bueller famously said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Ferris was right.

George Washington Bridge

This past weekend, hubby and I were part-time tour guides for a friend (I’ll call her “M”) and her mom who were visiting New York City for the first time. We loved our role, showing off a city we dearly love. I looked forward to seeing it through their eyes, waiting to catch that first glimpse of excitement.

I got more than I bargained for.

The trip was M’s gift to her mom for Mother’s Day. I watched the beauty of their mother-daughter relationship unfold, beginning with the tender care M took of her mom (“Mama”) to ensure she was comfortable as we walked in the rain to visit the city’s landmarks. Saying “please” and “thank you”, terms often neglected in our busy world, were frequently used. Tender loving hugs were given when we had to say good-bye.

The beauty of their Midwestern manners and loving hearts filled my own.

There is beauty in relationships, and beauty in how we treat one another.

I recently changed my health insurance company. This is a daunting task and one I hate taking care of. I researched several companies that fit my needs. Before signing up with a new plan, I was quoted dollar amounts for the copayments I’d be responsible to pay.

Let the games begin.

It was time to schedule a delivery for my daily injectable medication. I called the specialty pharmacy hotline. The operator typed my information into her computer, and then asked me a question that nearly gave me a heart attack.

She calmly said,” Your copayment will be $4,000 a month. Do you want to pay by check or credit card?”

I nearly dropped the phone. phonedrop

With a quivering voice, I insisted she repeat what she just said, and then demanded to speak to her advisor. Her advisor’s story was the same. I abruptly hung up.

I called the pharmaceutical company’s hotline to explain the situation. A delightful woman with a cheery voice asked a few questions, then assured me everything would be fine. I would qualify for coverage of my copayment.

She called the next day to simply make sure I was okay.

There is beauty among us. Beauty in sensitivity and compassion.

As we age, life becomes more complicated. We’re faced with daily challenges that can seem unbearable and stressful. As I see it, we have two options: Let it overwhelm you, or acknowledge it and move on.

Watch the beauty that happened among the ruins of Oklahoma (although if I were the reporter I would have dropped everything to help this women and her dog!)

There is beauty in nature and beauty among the ruins.

What beauty has happened in your life lately?

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