"Would I still be me if I weren't disabled?" Cathy asks. I would think that I would regain myself. I know a lot of people that say that the found themselves with MS and some are even grateful for MS because they learned to be more compassionate, etc., etc.

If I were honest I would have to say there is no way of sugar coating this I HATE MS. I have lost myself since being diagnosed and lets not get into the years that went by prior to diagnosis. Since diagnosis in 2009 symptoms began in 2006. I have had perhaps two instances of several days without MS symptoms. I have to say that I so enjoy those times and they are so painful when my SPMS come back. I live in the MS world of symptoms daily and it is not fun. My answer to Cathy would be that being disabled took "me" and my family. I try but to accept this diagnosis and try extremely hard to try to get to know this new Liset and I must say I don't quiet like her. This new me is someone that I more than likely would not want to befriend; she'd dull, most of the time negative and lacks self confidence ALL characteristics that I would range high in my friendship list among many other things,

I guess getting to know this new Liset. She isn't bad, but a hell of a long cry from pre-MS Liset. I think the worse part is now is every health issue is stricken to a NEW MS Symptom. Since last year I was having a sore throat I would tell me Dr. about it and his response was "well you know MS patients sometimes as they progress have trouble swallowing". I switched primary care givers after many months of this. As it turns out in October I had an ultra sound on my thyroid gland although my T and T4 were normal. It came back I had quiet a big nodule on the left side of my thyroid. I let it go so many other things go on that I just thought it would go away.

All the woman in my family have some sort of thyroid problem. In the past month I have had a nuclear medicine uptake for the thyroid and seen two specialist. As it turns out the nodule has consumed the complete thyroid and it is what is called a "cold nodule" which 80% of the time is cancerous. Yesterday I went in for what should had been a thin need biopsy and the ENT said he could not perform the biopsy because the nodule has grown and hardened and he was afraid it would not get any return for a pathological biopsy through a thin needle. IF this would had been caught on time it could had tried to of been controlled perhaps with medication and the thin needle biopsy as it turns out I am headed to the hospital to see what fate awaits me. Guys and gals don't leave your health in the hands of others, insist on more screening when you don't feel well. Not all is MS related. Cathy thank you for your well wishes and I do remember the days of RRMS..they were good ones too bad SPMS is what fills my days now, ♥ Liset

Thanks so much for leaving your thoughts~
Cathy

Now that I am disabled, I have to use those carts at the grocery store to get around, and rarely go anywhere because it exhausts me to do so. It hurts to sew, which was my passion before. I am very slowly getting used to the new me, and trying my best to be patient with myself while I find new things to do that can make me feel productive again.

Thanks for your post, it is very inspiring.

Best always~
Cathy

Good for you on remaining positive despite the ups and downs of health. Thanks so much for sharing your story with me.

Best always~
Cathy

The takeaways:

1. Perspective. The outcome of my illness depended on so many different variables. A change to anyone of those variables and the whole situation could've resolved in a drastically different way: I could've been a paraplegic. I could've passed. I did neither. I recovered. I'm not the same person mentally or physically. Everyone kept saying "back to normal." What they didn't realize is there's no "back" to normal. There's just a new normal. Given the alternatives, I'm happy I got a new normal. A new normal is better than no normal at all.

2. Serendipity. I had no control over the variables in my situation. The condition, the diagnosis, the surgeon on call, the result... All came together in a lucky combination. Everyone involved in my recovery forgot to tell me that they were all telling each other I wasn't supposed to walk again. Good thing, too. I do have to admit that I did wonder why they kept parading doctors into my room for demonstrations of me standing, balancing, walking in a straight line, standing on my toes, etc. I pretty much figured out what no one had told me by the 5-6 "see what she's doing!?!" demonstration.

3. Roll with it. Even the stuff that sucks about having a physical condition becomes part of every day life after a while. Your body functions just happen to be different than they once were, or different than 80% of the other people you know. There's more important stuff to move on to. yeah, it sucks in the minute, but it's only that minute. At least there will be a minute from now. 10 minutes later. 20 minutes from now.

12 years ago I put 2 dogs through therapy dog international testing 2 days before my medical emergency. Today I'm sitting in my home office with my 14 month old puppy at my feet.

You know what's really cool? I get to have a 14 month old puppy at my feet.

I'm 12 years older, a bit slower, but less inclined toward face plants than I was even 5 years ago, and I get to take a 14 month old puppy to agility classes where I run with the dog...

It sure isn't the same. But I'll take it.