NOTE: My husband and I were conversing about the decay of meaningful relationships between friends, and the role technology may play in this. After 25 years of marriage, we sometimes finish each other's sentences and, in this instance, write each other's essays. Gary took my laptop and wrote the following post in minutes. It was as if the keys were my voice speaking through his fingers. And so I say we both wrote the next post together. Let us know what you think.
"Cherish your human connections – your relationships with friends and family." ~Barbara Bush
One of the prime buzzwords of our time is "connected." We are more connected than any generation in the history of the planet. Email. Text messaging. Twitter. Facebook. Pinterest. LinkedIn. We can report every trivial aspect of our daily lives to the world instantly, in real-time. At the big game, hey, we just scored! Live at the Garden with Springsteen; he still rocks!
Indeed, we are connected with others, some of whom we know only through electronic devices. But are we connecting? Do we engage in the social communications that our parents and grandparents got involved in?
"Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings." ~Jane Austen
The answer, of course, is no. The art of the well-crafted letter has been lost. The interpersonal experience of family and friends sitting around the radio and listening to the President of the United States, laughing at Jack Benny, or hearing the latest news flash together is in the dust of history.
Photo: UCLA Film and Television Archive
Even the art of the phone call has been lost: "Don't call me; text me." "Can only talk a minute…" And along with the demise of traditional communication methods, we witness the death of manners, etiquette, and, to some extent, even social skills. We are so inundated with communications we often forget to communicate (e.g., call people back to respond to an invitation.)
"People are going to behave however the social norms permit and beyond that." ~Max Cannon
Sure, people still gather in bars and restaurants. These gatherings can raise our spirits as we catch up on the latest developments in everyone's lives and get a take on the latest movies. But these public places are not conducive to serious talk. They can be loud. Your time can be limited – they need the table for the next party of four. They are no substitute for a long evening at home, drinking, eating, and discussing serious issues with friends.
"I value the friend who, for me, finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who, for me, does not consult his calendar." ~Robert Brault
The type of serious issues that many of the older generations discussed in more homey surroundings went beyond cultural trends and political controversies (don't get me started on that one; it's a separate blog post.) They found it much easier than us to discuss the big picture – life philosophies, priorities, things that truly matter.
To have those serious, soul-nourishing discussions requires an invitation and a return communication accepting the invitation. It also requires the right atmosphere. There seems to be less of this sort of activity as people try to "fit in" a two-hour dinner at a crowded restaurant on Saturday night.
There was a recent well-publicized poll about the declining role of religion in most Americans' lives. That is an important issue, but an even broader question is whether America has lost its soul.
Gary Chester is a New Jersey attorney, journalist, and adjunct professor at Montclair State University. He is the author of the book "See You In Court: A Trial Lawyer's Look at Crazy Cases, Ludicrous Lawyering and Dubious Decisions."
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Cathy, this is a timely post and oh so, true. Social media is a blessing and a curse. On the one hand it allows to us to connect with friends, family and like minded people that share the same passion, but at the same it sucks our souls. The solution is to find the balance. But how? What makes it more difficult is that in the workplace we have become more technocratic and less human. I have seen the change within the school where I teach.
Believe this wholeheartedly. I think we naturally crave this type of real human connection and while we are enthralled with what technology can do for us as we get used to it and it becomes less of a novelty, we will come back to true meaningful discourse. I am optimistic.
This is so true. And when you make plans to meet for dinner or a movie, it's done by text or email. I often think what would life be like if all we had listen to was the sound of everyone's cellphones going off with text notifications, email notifications and the ring tones. So much clicking and unnecessary noise! I don't think the younger generation knows how to communicate, much less write a letter, and they even communicate with their teachers and class by twitter now. Think about online classes, where you don't EVER have face to face communication. Think of how much we learned sitting in a lecture hall that these students are missing. How sad for this generation...
I believe there is going to be a whole new world of medicine in the future: one to help people keep their heads up instead of always looking down.
I love the fact that your husband wrote this post, with your thoughts! As I see my kids become more and more enthralled with technology, I worry. A friend of mine recently asked me to edit an essay she wrote because she is applying to a school to become a speech pathologist (at the age of 47 -- good for her!). In her essay, she had to answer the question, "if you could pick a time in history to go back to, what time would that be and why?" She chose the time before cell phones, because she watches her teens text with abbreviations rather than full words and she watches her kids have friends over and yet they all sit on the couch with their heads down into their phones...in her essay, she too wrote about the lost art of conversation. I do hope it comes back.
Cathy,
Thanks to you and your husband for wonderful posting addressing the challenges of communications today. I agree with you and so many of the other comments. While on the surface it seems that we're communicating more, I am not sure that our communications have much lasting value....the fleeting nature of Tweets and Facebook postings. I wonder how much we are losing of family history as we simply send emails or even blog instead of writing in a journal or diary. Even if we save and create backups of our electronic communications will be able to access and read those files in 50 years or so? Obviously, I am a fan of letters delivered by mail to your door or mailbox as founder of Write2Them (http://www.write2them.net), but I also embrace email technology for the convenience it brings to our life.