The chapters in our lives help to create who we are today. Every acquaintance and each experience sculpt and mold us in some way. Here's one chapter in my life that, looking back, seems like a short blip of time.
When my son was in nursery school I met a group of moms who easily bonded from the beginning. At the time they were very important to me. Being new in town I had no friends. I was happy to meet some new ones.
As we got to know each other better we decided to go out to dinner once a month. I looked forward to getting out of my mommy clothes and into my grownup ones for at least one night a month. I loved being a stay-at-home mom, but looked forward to "cleaning up" for a girls night out.
The women (or "the girls" as I used to call them) were upbeat, and I remember laughing a lot. The restaurants? I rarely chose where we we went, and often they ended up being a bit pricey. But the food and wine were always exceptional.
On one occasion we wined and dined at a lovely French bistro. The food was extraordinary and the wine was overflowing. The conversation turned to a subject that the Brat Pack girls would have enjoyed.
How many times were you with someone before you were married. Oy.
Growing up as the only girl in the family, and then attending a Jesuit college, this wasn't a subject I was particularly comfortable with. Call me a prude (did I hear you say it?) but I passed. They probably thought my silence was as good as a confession, but I didn't care. I didn't see the point, and poured myself a little more wine.
When dinner was finally over I was tired and looked forward to getting home.
Not a chance.
A new martini bar had just opened up across the street and one of the women was dying to try it. I am not a big fan of liquor but I went to be a good sport. Plus my driver was the woman who wanted to go.
We walked into the darkly lit room with its long, sleek bar that was so shiny you could almost use sunglasses.
It was a little conspicuous when a group of seven women stumbled in, and the mostly male clientele snapped their heads to check us out. The room grew quiet.
We asked for an end booth to avoid more stares and immediately ordered several different types of martinis, more than one glass for each of us. At the time appletinis were trendy so we ordered a few of those, too.
Swish, swish, swish. Down the hatch.
I tasted the appletini and thought it was okay, and since there was no wine list I returned to my plain, boring glass of water. Then I sat back to enjoy watching my friends empty the row of glasses in front of us. My driver began talking faster and faster, laughing louder with each gulp.
During her conversation she began playing with her car keys, swirling them in her fingers until they slipped off and landed in the middle of the table. When she glanced away I quickly swiped them and quietly put them into my pocket.
I drove home. She didn't argue. She fell asleep in the back seat.
All in all it was a fun evening. I'm glad we had those few years together. One by one I lost touch with each of them. I suppose that when you have children your life revolves around them and their activities.
I was the only one in our group with a boy, and when we pulled him out of public school my time was spent volunteering and driving him to his new school in another town.
“For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning." ~T.S. Eliot
I'll always have fond memories of those years. Of being a young mother and making new friends, of eating delicious food, and even drinking a martini. And the laughter. Oh, the laughter.
I was blessed to have these women as my friends during a very special time in my life. I look back at it now with great fondness. It helped to shape me into the person I am today.
All of our experiences mold us, preparing us for the next chapters of our lives.
Have you lost touch with friends who were meaningful at a special time in your life?
Maybe I'm projecting, but I get the feeling that that group of friends were not really your cup of wine, Woops I mean cup of tea. Oy. Glad you have fond memories of those times but also glad for you that you've moved on. Adorable photo of your handsome son and his friend!
Great Cathy. I too remember those days - you feel like your life will always be like that with those same friends and then, as they say, life happens. I too miss those ladies and we try to keep up - at least through FB - but it's not the same. *sigh* P.S. glad you swiped those keys. 😉
Yes, I have and I've also reconnected with a few and am thrilled to have done so. Some people don't have the ability to maintain ties over long distances, but I do and while some of my old friends have dropped away, those who have popped up again make me so happy.
I have lost touch with most of the people I spent so much time with - in the bleachers, the stands, the stadium, the auditorium, the gyms, the school board meetings, the halls of each school - as my son grew up. I treasure the few that stood the test of change that time brings - all two of them :)! Looking back, I was David's mom and all that went with that. Now my favorite role is still David's mom(and friend) but that does not define me in the same way as it did and that is not just OK, it is a good thing. So...looking forward, not back!
Love your story! I still live in my hometown and see my old friends all of the time. Through Facebook we even found all of our old schoolmates from the young years and we meet up once a month for "lunch bunch" for as many as can come that day. It's like having a school reunion every month. It's wonderful!
Glad I read this. enjoyed it a lot. I'm going into a new phase of life at retirement age. I'll be the new gal in a new town. Hope to meet a group of gal pals there.
Great story, one that resonates with most everyone, I bet. I lost touch with my oldest friends long ago because I had babies long before all my earliest friends. I had a difficult time making friends as a young mom because I was so much younger than the other "play group" moms and I soon quit trying to fit into their playgroups (and not let their snooty looks affect me). I have a few close friends in real life, mostly from work situations, and some great friends I've met online and love spending time with face-to-face. Friendships wax and wane, which is understandable as we all grow in different ways.
I've heard that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I've had the same thing happen. And yes, I'd love to get in touch with some of those who were there for me during that season of my life.
I too met a wonderful group of women when my girls were babies, together we formed a playgroup. Although it was for the kids it truly was for the moms to get together, talk and share our joys and sorrows. It was the perfect therapy for a frazzled mom. Through the years there have been many groups of people who have come and gone in my life and all have made me richer for having known them.
An interesting thing has happened to our world called Facebook. While you may dispute it's merits I have found a way to connect with the people from my past. I found that there is still a special bond that ties me to long lost friends. Even if it's knowing that the girls that shaped my high school years are becoming grandmothers or that my best friend who moved away in 7th grade still remembers me, or that the classmate that we never thought would make it in the real world turned out o.k., it makes me smile. I feel that there is closure and still room in my heart for each of them..
I love the friends and acquaintances that I have met along the way. I am thankful for the times that we shared in the past and thankful to know that we still have a connection. Somehow, it makes our big world seem a little smaller.
I remember my first mom's group too...and we did get together when our kids graduated from high school. We weren't quite as wild as yours though!
Wow that brought so many memories for me too. It's sad how we lose touch like that, but life goes on and new folks come into our lives. Good thing you were able to drive home! It's nice to reflect back on the nice memories. Thanks for the ride.
Unfortunately, yes. I have lost touch with many people I knew and cared about through the years and it might be fun to look up some of them all over again.
What a great story. Yes, I think we all have seasonal friendships -- times when who our children hung out with or who lived next door -- dictated the social calendar. In a way that is one of the things I love most about aging. At this juncture I really seek out relationships that I feel will go the duration. Although there were lots of fun times in the past, I think the relationships that stayed are where the gold is.
I have lived in 8 different states, and I have changed the particulars in my life dramatically about every 5 years, so I find that I have a lot of former friends. Some friendships get too hard to maintain from a distance. Some were formed because we were in similar situations, and then the situations shifted and the friendship fizzled. I sometimes get sad about friendships that have fizzled, but I try to live in the "now" (regrets about the past and worry about the future are too time consuming). But because of lost friendships, I try to cherish the friends I have today. Love people in the moment, because you never know when the moment will disappear.
I have lost friends over the years, but I am also extremely fortunate to have a group of friends I've known since my kids were in pre-school and kindergarten. Of course, it helps that we live in a relatively small community with an even smaller Jewish community and only one high school!
I think the friendships we make through our kids often disappear as the kids themselves separate and go off to different places. I do have friends I met when my oldest was a baby, who are still some of my closest friends, but I've met many of the most special people in my life - including you! - once the nest was empty. I love that these are just based on relating to each other as people, not as "mothers" or other roles.
I remember being part of a playgroup when my kids were toddlers. It was so much fun getting together, although we never did the ladies nights out. That would have been fun, too!
This is so timely. In October 2012, my son's godmother and one of my closest friends traveled west with her wife to spend time with me. That magical visit launched a year of visits with family but also with five women friends who represented each major phase of my life from first grade on. Seeing them again opened me back up to the woman I was at each of those points and I was so happy to visit with them and that part of myself again. Great post. Thank you.