"You’ve always had the power, my dear. You’ve had it all along.” ~Glinda, the Good Witch, The Wizard of Oz
Today I’m battling myself. Between bouts of anger are moments of joy, and in between each are millisecond dances of gratitude, self-pity and love. The conflict exhausts and energizes me; I am alive with emotion.
I’m dancing this familiar dance again, when my heart said yes and my mind said no. One step gracefully pirouettes toward an opportunity to spend time with a friend, another toward new and exciting opportunities.
But life is not a ballet, and our lives are sometimes out-of-step with our hearts and desires. And when that happens, as it does with MS, our spirits are dashed for the loss of another dance.
I was excited at the prospect of attending an important women’s conference a few hours from my home. Spending time in the company of successful and empowering women, along with spending quality time with a dear friend, was something I’ve been excited about for weeks.
But the weather was not on my side. Heavy rain was in the forecast, and unlike my younger self who never bothered to consider weather conditions, my poor nighttime and inclement weather vision forced me to cancel my plans.
How many times has MS interfered with my dances? How many times must I detest the need to draw attention to myself by explaining why I must cancel? My invisible illness always needs explaining.
If my body cuts my dance short, it's important that I make a point of being mindful of the blessings that are still very much a part of my life. I firmly believe it’s important to remind ourselves that, as Jon Kabat-Zinn said, “There’s more right with you than wrong.”
My pity party is over and I’m ready to move on. Life is too short to dwell on what’s out of our control. We need to focus on what is.
There will be other events and social gatherings to attend, and although this event was quite special I’m sure others are around the bend.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I want to live a positive life despite my MS. If I can’t walk I’ll write. If I can’t write I’ll talk. Whatever life has in store for me I’ll use the abilities I have to find a way to live the life I want.
Living a positive life despite any setbacks is a CHOICE. My MS is another person’s asthma, Lupus, heart disease or cancer. It could be the loss of a job, the fear of financial ruin or the sting of rejection. Or perhaps a marriage gone badly, a soured friendship or the loss of a pet.
The key to unlock the door of despair is to empower ourselves with the realization that life is basically good, and as Scarlett O’Hara said, “Tomorrow is another day.”
Take time to look around you. It’s what I always do. Take a walk, and then look up at the sky, smell the air and notice the colors and light in nature.
Think about the people you love, and who love you.
My dear friend, the one I was supposed to visit, completely understood why I needed to cancel. A few times in the past this has not been the case. I add her to my list of blessings.
I’ve often thought that the vastness of the world makes it clear that our anguish is an infinitesimally tiny matter. That one thought convinces me that my life will always go on, and our tiny corner of the world is amazing. It simply is.
Somehow, with a sigh of relief, that makes everything feel alright.
What are you thankful for?
The key to unlock the door of despair is to empower ourselves with the realization that life is basically good, and as Scarlett O’Hara said, “Tomorrow is another day.” What it takes to remind ourselves on those days when the dance is cut short. Excellent post Cathy.
I'm so sorry you had to miss something that was important to you but, yes, your health is more important and, yes, there will be other events. No pity parties -- you are amazing and "pity" is never a word I would associate with you. xo
What an unbelievable inspiration to read your heartfelt words and be reminded once again that no matter who we are or what our challenges, CHOICE is always a gift. I love you.
You're so right in pointing out that your MS is someone else's something or another. We all have our crosses to bear and that absolutely stinks! But we can all bear them far more easily by having an attitude such as yours.
There will be other fantastic opportunities coming your way. Positivity attracts positivity. It's coming your way, my friend.
Brilliant .... Life is a dance and it is a mixed bag of emotions.
Reading this I suddenly don't feel so alone in this MS journey that both gives and takes so much all at once.
Thanks Cathy Chester for another great blog / article.
Namaste
I sit here in my wheelchair or computer chair and remember my past life, imagining could-have-beens without MS. But then I can throw in other life events, too. I have made my choices base on the best decisions I could make at any given time. I am blessed to know that there is little I would change. My decisions have been consistent with who I am and what I needed to prioritize, and with what I knew and understood to be true. I will not have regrets because of this, and am therefore fortunate.
We have so much compared to so many, and we have the chance to try again tomorrow. For this, I am truly grateful.
Oh Cathy! It was not the same without you and I missed you terribly. But as you say, there will be other events and conferences. The weather was nasty all day yesterday and last night. I would have been reluctant to drive in it myself. We will have our fun get together another time, dear friend. xoxo
Bravo Cathy - what a wonderful and moving post. It epitomizes the notion of acceptance, which I try to wholeheartedly embrace. I know how much you like
quotes, so here are a couple for you:
“Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.” ~Arthur Rubinstein
“Serenity comes when you trade expectations for acceptance.” ~Unknown
I'm sorry that you had to cancel, but I am glad that you are counting your blessings and bouncing back. I could learn to be more resilient when my plans fall apart. I like your quotes. Thanks for being willing to share this and for taking the time to write it up. Take care!
Love this so much! I've bookmarked it to read when I need and want great inspiration. Thank you.
I love this Cathy! Kindness and self-compassion are so important. Thank you for sharing your lovely light.
I do keep a gratitude journal and that helps.
Thank you! I needed to read this, I too was having a bad day. Although, I have not been as positive as you through it. Thank you for reminding me, I need to look at the positives.
I know what you mean! I am going to Bloher next year but needed to see if I could bring my husband (like some kid who can't leave their mommy) because I can no longer drive or button and zip a pair of pants if I had to pee sometime over the weekend. I'd almost rather not even go but I'm determined to get back to as normal a life as I can. Sometimes that varies though. Walking two, 2.5 mile walks in a row...dumb, I'll just pay the piper later as usual, that will give mom a chance to tell me I'm lazy some more haha!
Wonderful posy, Cathy. I've had a long day so I will need to come back and read this when I can appreciate the message in this even more.
I always love your posts, Cathy. There's more right with you than wrong. What an excellent quote...and so true. I've got to remember that.
One thing we can be certain of in this life and that is change so we better learn to deal with it and move forward. I am thankful for everything in my life because it made me what I am today.
Oh Cathy, I'm so sorry you didn't get to go to the conference, I know you were so excited about it and it looked awesome. But you're right, your health is the most important thing and you have to know your own boundaries. As you say, there will be other conferences. You have an inner strength and resilience that shines through in every post, I'm always so moved by your writing....and by your total honesty. xo
"Living a positive life despite any setbacks is a CHOICE. My MS is another person’s asthma, Lupus, heart disease or cancer. It could be the loss of a job, the fear of financial ruin or the sting of rejection. Or perhaps a marriage gone badly, a soured friendship or the loss of a pet."
THIS! This is the essence of the book I believe you have in you, write here, and it is why YOU and your beautiful, empowered, kind, hopeful spirit is THE person the world needs to write it!! Don't stop. Keep going and keep writing in this genuine, honest way that you do. It brought tears and took my breath away. I'm so sorry you missed your conference, but perhaps there was another kind of gift in it--write here. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful--writing a book is no different than what you've done here, only longer. Think of it as a series of essays just like this one. Then you figure out overall flow & arc and all of that later.
I'm selfishly so grateful I got to meet you in NYC at #BinderCon the weekend before. Like Helene, I would have been disappointed otherwise. But I would have understood, too. xo
Cathy, as always you seem to hit the nail on the head. MS (or whatever) can slow us down, but it should never stop us. It's hard to remember all the time, and sometimes a pity party is our best response in the moment. But it's not the place to stay, when as you say, we still have abilities we can use, and for which we should be thankful. You write so eloquently about living with MS. It seems to be the one subject I have trouble finding words for in my own life, but I love reading yours!
Cathy, I'm so sorry you had to miss your event. But one thing I have learned in life is to "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" (Ian MacLaren). Some things are visible while others are invisible. I'm so glad that you had an understanding friend. Big hugs to you, dear one.
Cathy, What makes you so special is your ability to rise up above what gets you down. So many people can learn valuable lessons from your experiences!
Stupid horrible disease. You are so brave and full of life I'm sure you inspire other's who are making this journey. Maybe you were meant to miss your event to write this post help someone somewhere on this internet with their own missed dance.