Do you judge a book by its cover? Try this and see. Let's say you're perusing the aisles of a bookstore and you come across two original book covers, without titles, that pique your interest. One illustrates the branches of an old brown tree with its leaves spread wide in a light shade of green. The other cover is a blood-red horse on a children's carousel looking angry and violent yet somehow beautiful.
Now, imagine if you walked down those same aisles but this time the same books were wrapped in plain brown paper. The titles appear without any illustration. You'd be forced to make your purchase based on the title alone. Does it intrigue you? Will the story hold your interest? Will it frighten you? Will you learn something new? Will you be spiritually, emotionally or creatively fulfilled? Will you miss the characters after you finish the book?
Will you be able to make a choice?
You'd have to take a leap of faith instead of making an informed decision.
I loved this idea from a bookstore in Australia
If you haven't guessed by now my book cover descriptions were based on the original illustrations for "To Kill a Mockingbird" and "The Catcher in the Rye." Would you have purchased them as described?
I have to be honest with myself that I would have purchased the first book but not the second. That means I would have missed out on reading THE greatest classic ever written about teenage angst and alienation. That would have been a shame.
We all judge books by their covers despite our best intentions to the contrary. We make snap judgments based on little fact.
We do the same with people.
Science backs up my hypothesis. In an article in TIME magazine titled "Our Brains Immediately Judge People" Alexandra Sifferlin states:
"Even if we cannot consciously see a person’s face, our brain is able to make a snap decision about how trustworthy they are."
As much as we hate to admit it we all judge people. We like to think we don't but we do. We immediately size each other up, looking for cues that will, subconsciously, predict how someone's character will be.
Which cashier at a checkout counter will you choose? Which player will you pick for your team? Which sales clerk will best answer your questions?
Are your presumptions based on bias and assumptions or a gut feeling?
It's a good thing I don't always make judgements as badly as I did with the original cover of J.D. Salinger's book. I can't imagine how many wonderful opportunities I would have missed in my life and how different my path would have been.
"Whether we think it’s right or not, even our forewarning mothers can’t help but judge books by their covers. So as we stroll along through the library of life, looking at all the faces on the shelves and in the stacks, it’s important to be aware of where our habits of thought may lead us: to accuracy or to error."~Nicolas Rule, Snap Judgement Science: Intuitive Decisions About Other People
Approving or disapproving of someone based on a quick observation or past experience is not always in our best interest. We need to pause and consider how and why we feel the way we do before making a final judgement.
Our negative snap judgements impacts others. Is that fair? Think what a difference it'd make if, instead of negative thinking, we chose kindness instead.
The world would be a better place.
People aren't wrong because they disagree with you. They simply see the world through a different lens; their experiences and circumstances are different than yours.
"Cultivate an attitude of curiosity to better understand why others look and behave in ways other than what you prefer." ~Judith Johnson, Author/Speaker/Life Coach/Interfaith Minister, "Why You Should Break the Habit of Snap Judgements", The Huffington Post
We need to be more curious and learn more about one another. We need more tolerance, compassion and understanding in the world.
And it should begin with me and you.
Ask yourself how that homeless man became homeless, or why that woman's opinion is different than yours. How did that couple become financially ruined or why are those children wearing tattered-looking clothes?
Everyone has a story. What's theirs? The story doesn't have to be closely aligned with our own to be okay. The world would be a boring place if we were all the same.
Next time you make a snap judgement about someone, pause and listen to your inner chatter. Consider why someone might be the way they are. Look at it from all sides. Walk around in their shoes for a bit. Be thoughtful and kind in your judgement. Open your own lens to see what might be inside theirs. You may be in for a sweet surprise.
Because a book should not be judged by its cover.
It's true! Every once and a while, I push past snap judgments. However, I have to admit that I get a more complex view of people if I'm put in a situation where I work with them or live by them or somehow get "thrown together" with them. The situation forces me to get outside of my comfort zone, and "Voila!" I see them as more complex and find common ground. Good reminder to do more to create the situations on purpose instead of waiting for circumstances to help me connect with a broader array of people.
Just perfect. <3
This is such a great post and aligns with everything that I try to embrace and share. Thank YOU for writing the words so eloquently and in such a meaningful way. I am sharing this because it echoes everything that I believe. Thank YOU!
I'm actively trying to undo my long-established habit of rushing everywhere, constantly thinking I don't have time to do things fully. Things take time, and this includes getting to know people. Living on the surface means we miss out, in many ways.
Lovely lovely lovely (and true) post, Cathy!
Wonderful post and so true. We all judge in one way or another. I have tried to be beer about this as I have aged and found out you truly never know what someone else story is until you find out. we all need to be more aware of those we encounter on a daily basis and try to be more kind. I feel kindness is one of the many things that are lacking in the world and one of the easiest to fix.
So true, Cathy. We instinctively make snap judgments without basis. I know I have done it and I've regretted it. This is another way we need to be mindful. Thanks for another thought-provoking post!
Cathy, So true about making snap decisions. And I love the metaphor using both old classics. I would've also picked "To Kill a Mockingbird" although "The Catcher in the Rye" is also beautiful (especially once you know its meaning).
I, too, have had to amend my opinions more than once. I do think it's human nature to assess quickly. Sometimes I get the right gut feel but other times, not so much.
Very wise words, Cathy. Thanks for reminding us to be open and respectful to all.
To Kill a Mockingbird looks like a Japanese story by that cover. I would have bought it too. I always try to give a person the benefit of the doubt and not rush to judgement. I don't know if I'd been tempted to buy a book wrapped in butcher paper unless the title was compelling. The artwork on book covers is sort of a crap shoot, but an art form in itself.
Great reminder Cathy! Recently when I was missing my next to front tooth I was the recipient of judging a book by it's cover. Told the bathroom key at Starbucks was for customers only and being escorted to a section in a store! The missing tooth cover me was suspect to be homeless, meth addict or poor and treated differently than the full tooth smile cover me!
Great post and a good reminder 🙂
I read a book several years ago called "Blindness" by Jose Saramago that made you wonder what life would be like if we all were truly blind. Our judgements and quality of life would change in ways we could never imagine.
I like "People aren’t wrong because they disagree with you. They simply see the world through a different lens; their experiences and circumstances are different than yours." If we could only remember to simply disagree and not to judge.
Beautiful post Cathy. Loved it!
I also think we can be put in situations where making assumptions about people is just part of the process. Bucking that temptation to go with the first, physical impression is tough but can be very rewarding. I appreciate your example of asking yourself how the homeless person found himself on the streets or why that person disagrees with you. I am so with you Cathy! We miss out on the richness of life and finding out amazing things about people when don't stop to wonder, ask, question.
Love your perspective!
I think we are all guilty of making snap judgements Cathy and I was only reflecting on this a few days ago. I've seen the books covers in brown paper in the bookstores in Australia and thinking it is a great idea.
Loved it and spot on, as usual!
Curiosity, tolerance and compassion... with probably a little role reversal thrown in. Thank you for reminding us to look beyond our covers. xoxox, Brenda
So true. Michael and I have discussed many times the snap judgements we've made that turned out to be completely wrong. And, you're right - I probably wouldn't have picked up that copy of Catcher in the Rye, which is probably my favorite book ever!
"People aren't wrong because they disagree with you. They simply see the world with a different lens." Oh that I would remember this! Powerful reminder, Cathy. Thanks so much for writing this beautiful piece!
It's lovely to see someone writing about this. I have believed in this ethos since I was a child. However, It has, at times, caused problems with people who are suspicious of kindness, believing their has to be a hidden negative or, who are so badly damaged, they cannot accept your acceptance of them.
If a person's self-hatred is very deep, they will despise you for showing kindness to them and be suspicious of you. They can even become abusive because your kindness to them is way outside their comfort zone. As I have got older and learned from this, I am fully aware that we have to be realistic when being kind to people who are not used to it and sometimes that means the kindness has to be anonymous for our own protection.
Not sure if I explained that very well! I guess what I am saying is, I have learned that not everyone can deal with kindness, no matter how subtly expressed and we have to be aware of own own safety. It is often very hard for people who are used to being judged negatively to deal with kindness and they don't always get it. That said, I would never let it stop me - I am just very careful about how I do it.
This is a brilliant post - the world needs more of this attitude.