"If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep." ~Dale Carnegie
It is 1:35 am, and I’m wide awake. I am sitting in my Great Room alongside my three cats. I’m so jealous of them. They are all sound asleep.
The room lays still and dark except for the lone light of my trusty ol’ laptop.
I took 2 Xanax several hours ago to ensure I would get a good night's sleep. But, alas, sleep escapes me once again.
It’s not that I have any one thing on my mind; I have many things crowding my head like a stock ticker rolling sentences through my subconscious.
For starters, I spoke to a dear friend today about the recent passing of her dad, a man I loved dearly and never had the chance to say goodbye correctly.
I know he’s finally at peace, but today’s conversation weighs heavily on me, and I can’t shake it.
I worry about my mortality (as I sometimes do in the wee hours of the morning when things always look bleaker and much more significant than they do during the day.)
I know my lack of exercise (due to sitting on my duff all day writing) is the culprit of my worry. Or is that simply an excuse? Whatever the reason, it’s not a good one, and I need to actively commit to taking better care of myself.
My head is reeling with different diet and exercise programs to try; deciding which one to begin has been tough. I’ve never been good with decisions, and right now, I feel overwhelmed by making this one.
I wish I had a fairy godmother who would swoop down and tell me exactly what to do while assuring me if I followed her recommendations, all of my worries would disappear.
Middle of the night worrying
Now it’s 1:54 am, and I’m still wide awake. One of my cats is snoring, and I’m getting angry. Slumber. Slumber. How I miss you.
"Cats have it all - admiration, an endless sleep, and company only when they want it." ~Rod McKuen
Perhaps a tiny bowl of cereal would do the trick. How much could a small bowl of Bran Flakes with raisins and milk affect my daily calorie intake? What’s the old saying? If you eat in the dark, the calories don’t count.
It’s 1:56, and I can’t decide whether to go for the cereal. They say (at least my grandmother used to) milk helps you sleep better. Well, maybe just a tiny bowl…
It’s 2:00, and now I am full and need a bathroom. Do those steps to the powder room go toward my daily number of steps? I’ll have to look that one up.
Mary Tyler Moore
Maybe I’ll put on an old Mary Tyler Moore episode from YouTube to help me sleep. The old gang in Minneapolis always soothes my soul and calms me down.
When Mary throws her hat into the air, I always feel a lot better; it makes me warm. Let’s see what’s going on with the gang.
Two forty-five, and all is well. Murray got his zingers into Sue Ann, and Mary went on a fun date with her newest beau.
I’m a sucker for romance.
Still wide awake, I decide to put on one more episode. The cats are still snoring. House is still dark and quiet. The laptop battery is running low. What’s a girl to do?
Finally – yes, finally – the Xanax kicks in. I can barely keep my eyes open to determine if Murray’s play gets produced.
I know each episode by heart, but I still need closure. I’ll have to finish watching the rest of the episode tomorrow.
"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book." ~Irish Proverb
But before I drag myself back to bed, I must make a pact to write less tomorrow and exercise a little more.
Adding exercise to my life (aside from my once-a-week yoga class) will help me sleep better and lessen the middle-of-the-night worries about my mortality. It will help me manage my weight and help me feel healthier and more vibrant.
Yes, G-d, I mean my pact this time.
Nighty night, sweet world. I hope you had a better sleep than I did.
And, oh, don’t bother calling me till after 9 am. The 2 Xanax I took will keep me asleep longer than usual.
DISCLAIMER: Comments from An Empowered Spirit are brought to your attention on topics that could benefit you and should be discussed with your doctor or other medical professional. I am not medically trained, and my posts are journalistic and not instead of medical advice. An Empowered Spirit and its author will not be held liable for any damages incurred from using this blog or any data or links provided.
This could be me. Its 2:59 am. I think I'll go watch CNN.
It's1:50 a.m. I don't have any Xanax and my iPad battery doesn't have enough juice for an episode of anything. Thanks for sharing this and making me realize I'm not alone in my premenopausal insomnia.
The middle of the night woes are the worst. I try not to get out of bed--except, of course, to run to the bathroom. 2:22 seems to be the exact time..odd that's it's always then or within a few minutes--fortunately I'm not awake very long!
Oh, insomnia is the worst! I'll tell myself, "If I'm not asleep in 20 minutes, I should get up and do something productive." But I just repeat that several times until it's been 2 hours or more of clock watching. Reading the book of Numbers usually does the trick, but I usually end up surfing the internet when I should cook. My dad used to make soups from scratch (navy bean & hamhock, chicken noodle, spit pea). So we'd get up in the morning and see container after container of soup cooling. MTM is a good choice, though. You're gonna make it afterall, Cathy.
LOL....I think you are, again, speaking about my life Cathy! Hilarious! I usually open up pinterest on my phone, scroll a ways. If I don't become a little more sleepy, I get up. My golden retriever and I go downstairs, drink hot chocolate, cook/bake, clean and/or make lists. Sounds like there's a lot of us!
Sleep has been a lifelong struggle for me. Increasing exercise and being careful about what I eat can help a small amount, but more important is stress - and that one is a toughie.
I'll also say that with a mind that goes around the clock (including while sleeping/dreaming - which has its advantages, actually), I've come to accept that a certain struggle with sleep is my "normal." And laptop or television with a favorite show?
It helps. Seems to me like a reasonable solution!
Insomnia. Panic Attic. I'm not sure, but I seem to wake up in the middle of the night and decide that then, and only then, is the right time to think about all of my problems and try to solve them. Unfortunately, nothing ever gets solved. Why is it I do not have this same determination to tackle life's problems during the daytime? Who knows, maybe I will try some late night comic tv --perhaps I'll get some good ideas along with a few laughs 🙂
Lou Grant: I have a provocative question. Why is the producer of the six o'clock news, watching the writer of the six o'clock news, write the six o'clock news?
Mary Richards: Because Mr. Grant since you made me a producer over a week ago I just feel I should be doing something more. I don't know, supervising somebody. Can't you give me something to do? I don't care how small or insignificant.
Tex Baxter: Hi guy's!
Lou Grant: Alright, okay, for now on you can supervise Ted.
Murray Slaughter: Welcome to your first command General Custer.
Ted Baxter: Say, the newsroom is certainly redolent of coffee this morning.
Murray Slaughter: It's what?
Ted Baxter: And you call yourself a writer? Redolent, redolent of coffee. It means it smells.
Mary Richards: Ted what's the book?
Ted Baxter: You and Your Vocabulary. I'm planning to work in a few words to every copy to give the news a little class. What do you think of the idea Mur?
Murray Slaughter: I think it's redolent Ted!
Portion of the dialogue from The Mary Tyler Moore Show: episode #112 "Mary Richards, Producer." This episode originally broadcasted in December 1975.