When I searched for the word “happiness” Google provided me with “almost 347,000,000 results” and Amazon showed 88,766 books on the subject. Then I searched for articles about happiness and found 75,800,000; there were also 1,100,000 results for happiness retreats.
Has happiness become so elusive, so unattainable that we need help finding it? Do we know how to be happy and to live in happiness? Do you think our forefathers wondered how to find their true happiness or is this a modern dilemma?
I can’t imagine John Adams writing heartfelt letters to Abigail about finding the key to happiness.
Wikipedia defines happiness this way:
So what is all the fuss about?
This week we watched the movie “Hector and the Search for Happiness” (2014) starring Simon Pegg, Rosamund Pike, Toni Collette and Christopher Plummer. The story is about a disillusioned psychiatrist who leaves his girlfriend and his practice in search of true joy and, well, happiness. In many ways this movie reminded me of “Eat Pray Love”; both are stories about economically privileged individuals flying around the world in search of happiness.
For some reason the Hector movie stayed with me and I couldn’t figure out why. I mean it was fun and enjoyable but not exactly Oscar worthy. So why was I thinking about it? Did something resonate with me? Was happiness eluding me, too? Or did I simply miss travelling the way we used to?
I heard a definite answer of YES to the travel question, but what about the others?
Anyone who knows me knows how much I want to move somewhere south, or west to California. They also know how much I’d love having my closest friends live nearby so we’d be able to share the everyday minutiae of our lives.
I’ve spent a long time thinking that my dreams were a destination to my happiness. I’ve long imagined being surrounded by palm trees ever since I was 10 years old and visited Florida for the first time. Leaving New Jersey behind during the winter felt like stepping out of a black-and-white movie and into a colored one. I was smitten for life.
It finally dawned on me that Hector taught me a valuable lesson: It was time to stop dwelling on the future and begin living more fully in the present. I’ve wasted too much time thinking about how much better my life would be if all my ducks were in a neat little row.
The future I’ve imagined may or may not happen. In the meantime, as I daydream about the future, I may be missing out on moments of happiness that surround me now. In this moment. And this one. And the next one. And the one after that.
"The secret to living the life of your dreams is to start living the life of your dreams today. In every little way you possibly can."~Mike Dooley
Happiness happens when you stop to look for it. Power down and be still. Quiet your mind. Look within yourself and all around you. Do you see it? Can you find it? It’s there.
It’s in the little moments of cuddling with your spouse, hugging your child, or being amused by your pets. It’s spending time talking to loved ones both near and far. It’s in a walk outdoors, being absorbed in a delicious book or watching an incredible movie. And, of course, biting into a scrumptious piece of heavenly dark chocolate.
Happiness is in the every day, ordinariness of life. Like Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
Be fully present in all the moments of your life. Living fully and being aware of our blessings makes the moments of our lives more precious, without room for any regret. Being fully present means not waiting for a time in the future to make our happiness. Instead our happiness is now.
Do I still want to move out of winter? You bet. Would I still be happy having my closest friends live nearby? Absolutely. Am I always happy? That’s impossible. But Hector helped me realize how I can have more attainable life goals. So I’m not giving up on my dreams, I’m simply redirecting them in a positive way.
And that makes me happy.
Happiness is....waking up in the morning to an inspiring blog post written by my friend, Cathy. 😀
I'm currently struggling to live fully in the present – – I needed to see this today.
I love the message you got from the movie, Cathy. It is important to treasure each moment in the present. Often easier said than done, right? I hope you do get to a warmer climate someday -- I may be right behind you! Thank you for this reminder to live in the moment.
this is a lesson I've been learning about happiness for the last 12mths or so. It's inside us and it's to do with how we choose to see our world. I'm working on it every day - thanks for your post 🙂
Not until I found myself smiling throughout the day did I realize that I had already found the joy I expected to feel in future endeavors (that I may or may never accomplish). And it came in the simplest of pleasures – a quirky expression or insightful conversation with a grandchild, a reconnection with a treasured friend, or a gathering with family. I used to think that my happiness would arrive when I stood on the stage at the Academy Awards to win an Oscar for a screenplay I'd written.
I may be 64, but life still offers so many options, and I'm trying every way I can to experience as many of them as I can while I'm still here. And I'm paying attention to those moments that bring me happiness.
Maybe we don't necessarily need to FIND happiness as much as we need to recognize moments when we can allow ourselves to FEEL happy. Thank you for the reminder.
Yes - all very true. Here and now is all we have. What a waste of life to think 'I will be happy when I have X'. I used to be like that but now I know happiness is inside me NOW if I choose to feel it (and it always was). Too much time is wasted giving power to others - no one is on this earth to make us happy and if we look for our happiness in other people, we will never feel right inside. Great article Cathy.
It's interesting to me how we do all seem to be searching for that elusive happiness. Met too. And I do think that in some ways it's a first world problem. I'm not trying to romanticize the state of not having, I know too much about it, but if you have less I think you naturally learn to appreciate the small, great things. Me, these days, I'm looking for a bit of passion and craziness. It doesn't mean I'm going to do foolish things, just maybe things I haven't done before.
I disagree with ¨"Am I always Happy?? That´s Impossible." I am the living example.
If you can answer "What makes you Happy??", you are NOT there yet. My answer to that question is NOTHING and EVERYTHING.
If you rely Happiness on things and people, you will be disappointed.
Things and People COME and GO, but YOU are stuck with YOURSELF for the rest of your Life. Therefor, Why Not YOU become the Best Friend with YOURSELF. That´s the first step to feel Happy always.
I too just recently watched, Hector, and felt the same way. Boy you nailed it. And I have been saying to myself, "so you don't live in the South of France, right now...you live in a place you never dreamed you'd have. lucky you!'; Thanks super post about gratitude!
I think the best thing about this is the thought you gave to it. I love when movies stimulate our thinking that way.
I've always been a 'Happy' person- maybe not giddy happy but okay with the way things are, HOWEVER, when I have had those moments of being in a funk I find myself with such empathy and respect for those that actually suffer with depression. How do they do it? I'm not suggesting you're depressed, just that talking about Happiness always makes me aware of the inverse and how lucky those of us are that just get disappointed- though THAT's powerful too. I'm rambling....
In a way, I wonder if happiness is like love in that as long as you think it should look or be a certain way, you eliminate the truest experiences.
I appreciate this post. A while back I stopped seeking happiness as something to acquire or achieve and just appreciated when I felt good, and grateful and peaceful and loving. And then - oh, I see - I realized it was there as a combined state of so many things that are different for everyone.
Thank you for this, I will do the here and now until I can figure out how to dream again. Stop making goals for some reason but I'm going to get back to it I have total optimism
Here are the thoughts that your beautiful words triggered in my head. Instead of fixing what is wrong and trying to make things better why not focus on what we can do to make each moment worth living. I think what you are saying is that we must focus on making this moment worth it -- not ruminating about what we don't have or could have or might. I had a really fascinating (and really long) conversation with a podcaster last week where in we explored how it feels so counterproductive to plan for the worst case scenario so we are ready to handle all the bad things that might happen. What if we planned for the best possible scenario and made that happen? Plan for what we hope for? What do you think about that wonderful lady :)?
I watched that movie a while back, too. 😀
I love your statement that happiness happens when we stop to look for it. Sometimes I must force myself to find a smidgen of the smiles in the midst of the muck. But it's there. Just gotta keep on searching. Thanks for the reminder.
Okay, that is so weird because Michael and I tried watching that movie last week but our Netflix wasn't working on our TV. Now we definitely have to watch it! Our forefathers did stress that we're all entitled to the pursuit of happiness, so I guess they were thinking about it. Sometimes I wonder if we put too much pressure on people to be happy. Maybe if we didn't worry about it so much and just appreciated the good that was right in front of us, we'd realize we already are.
Hi Kathy - I think we do spend too much time searching for happiness. I was just having this discussion with my 11 year old grandson. I couldn't believe he wasn't happy simply going to school, hanging with friends, living in the moment. He wanted something more. What? What more is there? Great post.
Cathy, once again, I got tremendous insight on your Happiness blog. It is vital we all practice what makes us happy! Hope your New Year is a very happy, Healthy and sweet New Year as well as you family!
Janet
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