Two years ago tomorrow I published my most popular blog post to date. I wrote it to honor the occasion of my son's 21st birthday, a time for both reflection and celebration for my husband and me. Since his birthday falls on the same day as another New Jersey native occupying my heart, one who would have turned 100 tomorrow, I thought I'd re-publish it a day early.
Life Lessons on the Occasion of my Son's 21st Birthday: Our Journeys Are Unique to Each of Us
Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted to grow up and have a family of her own. She dreamed of meeting a knight in shining armor that would sweep her off her feet and take her away to live happily ever after.
S-c-r-a-t-c-h.
Once upon a time there was a little girl who loved to read. She loved reading about strong-minded, resolute women making headlines, like Gloria Steinem and Bella Abzug. She thought it’d be cool to someday burn her training bra. But she was too young and naïve at the time, so she continued to dream about her knight in shining armor and having a family. Would the knight be willing to do housework?
C-r-o-s-s-o-u-t.
Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted to live a long and happy life. She dreamed of someday marrying her Prince Charming and, together, they’d have a happy and healthy child. She loved to write, and always enjoyed helping others in need. She knew she wanted to find a perfect balance between her family life and a life filled with passion.
Bingo.
But, alas, not all little girls’ dreams come true. Life simply doesn’t work that way. As John Lennon famously wrote, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”
These were my life lessons:
But life has a mind of its own, and sometimes we learn harsh yet valuable lessons. John Lennon was right. What we envision for ourselves and what life hands us are two different things.
When I finally became blissfully pregnant for a third time, it was the charm. Two weeks shy of nine months, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy little boy.
My son has been a blessing to me every day of his life.
The life I envisioned so long ago was finally unfolding.
Today is my son’s 21st birthday and he is the reason I’m writing this post. I want him to understand that no matter what I learned in my childhood – the joys, frustrations, loves and heartaches - mine is a different road than the one he is traveling.
He has his own journey.
I want him to know he has taught me more than anyone or anything ever will.
He’s taught me, through his genteel manner and a heart filled with compassion, about patience, understanding and inner strength.
And he’s given me more unconditional love than I ever imagined.
Twenty-one years ago my father’s gift to my son was a case of fine port with instructions for the first bottle to be opened on his 21st birthday. In the next week I look forward to being with my parents to open the first beautiful bottle together and toast to my son's happiness on his big day.
May he always be surrounded with unconditional love. May he find his own brand of happiness, with a life filled with purpose and compassion, according to his own desires and principles, and on his own terms.
As my beloved Uncle Henry always said to me, "I hug you with my words."
Happy 21st birthday, my dear, sweet son. I love you forever.
What a sweet and touching tribute to a wonderful son. Love this, Cathy. Our children are our greatest blessings.
A beautiful tribute. I truly believe mothers and sons have a special bond. I liked the way you laid out your dreams as a young girl as well. I raise my glass to you!
What a loving story Cathy. Happy Birthday to your beautiful son!
Beautiful Cathy, and spot on. You have an absolute gem in your son. Happy Birthday!
Cathy, this was so beautiful! "He has his own journey." Those are such important words and are something I need to remind myself of daily with my three sons. I think parents can get so caught up in what they think their kids SHOULD be doing, instead of letting them figure it out on their own...I also love your Uncle Henry's saying.:)
This is so beautiful...
You and your son are tremendously lucky to have one another! I read posts like this and miss motherhood so much!
Beautiful tribute Cathy! You are both blessed to have each other. He sounds like a wonderful young man!
"I hug you with my words." I'd never heard that phrase, and it's exactly what you've done here. You and your son are both very lucky.
Beautiful, Cathy! My youngest is now thirty, and I admit that I always (maybe even just a little still) had a hard time not thrusting them down the paths I believed they should be on. Looking back, I can see that they were strong enough to resist and find "their" way...and I am proud of each. Your son sounds wonderful.
I have no words for this beautiful post! Mazal tov to your son on his birthday. May he continue to be a blessing to you and your husband and loved ones. Lots of success and love.
Our sons fulfill our lives even as we expect them to live independently from us.
I loved the way you started -- how life never matches what we dreamed as a child. Or even as an adult. Happiness is found in loving and being loved. Mother and son is one of the most unique and powerful bonds on earth. So thankful that you and I have that.
Okay. "We" don't have that. Ha. But we each have a bond with our 20-something sons. 🙂
My mom used to say that her thoughts were in the mailbox. I think she just never got around to writing. But I like what your uncle has to say.
Beautiful tribute to your son. I have a son too so I know exactly what that special bond is between a son and his mom. Wishing him the most blessed and happiest 21st birthday every!
Sweetness straight from a mother's heart. Lovely, Cathy. Happy birthday to your adorable baby, er, young man! Such a fortunate son to have you as his mama!
I loved reading this beautiful tribute to your son, Cathy! I know that "yikes" feeling my girl's will be turning 23 in just a few months! Happy Birthday 23rd to your son!
What a beautiful tribute to your son. So sweet! Happy Birthday to him....
Beautiful Cathy...I hope your family enjoys the birthday....BTW, enjoy listening to Frank, too!
As everyone has already, said, beautiful and heartfelt post and tribute to your son and all sons. I have two daughters, no sons, as I am aware that the relationship between mother and son is different than with mothers and daughters. A beautiful read, Cathy and so perfect for the holidays!
That was so beautifully written and the love just oozed, it made me cry!
Hi,
I was looking for your like button. Do you have one? Infertility is a huge problem. Your article provides support.
Janice
Thanks for sharing this lovely story. That baby photo is so gorgeous. I can see that he warms your heart. May his life journey be blessed with strength of character that you would have taught him.
I have stumbled this.
Kathleen
This is truly beautiful, and no we do not know what tomorrow will bring to us, if we have a tomorrow. Love of a child is forever new each day.