Wayne Dyer's karma quote is my daily mantra. It means that everyone has their own thoughts and beliefs whether we agree with them or not. Instead of driving yourself crazy with worry or heartache, or trying your best to change someone's mind, it's better to work on changing your own perspective.
I recently had a conversation with a dear friend who is like a sister to me, and when we discussed relationships she said something very meaningful:
"Sisters accept each other for who they are, with all the cracks and dings and imperfections that we sometimes fear will alienate us from those we care about. Our history joins us and and unites us in love and remembrance."
I loved that.
We can't be all things to all people. We are not everyone's cup of tea. And that's okay. It's taken me a long time to realize that. I used to go out of my way to try and please everyone. I wanted them to like me. I wanted acceptance and I guess, to some extent, even approval.
"You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."~Marcus Aurelius - 121-180 AD, Roman Emperor and Philosopher
We try to be loyal, passionate and thoughtful people, Sometimes that's not enough. Someone may not take the time to get to know us. They don't walk in our shoes. They don't ask how we are. Or sometimes their life is busy or they're facing a life challenge and they need to focus on themselves.
One of the benefits of aging, with its many life lessons, is we learn that the most important person in our life is ourself.
Despite how others treat you it's important to remain true to yourself. How other people feel about us, as Wayne Dyer says, is their karma.
How we react to how they treat us is our karma.
I once knew a woman who was grossly mistreated by a few people in our town. As she resigned from her public office post at a town meeting several of the townspeople were unkind. Instead of retaliating she stood up and read this quote.
It hurts to have anyone be silent toward us. Eventually the hurt dissipates as we remind ourselves that their silence has nothing to do with us and has everything to do with their own story.
This can be a painful lesson to learn, but for the sake of our emotional health it's important that we eventually move on.
My dad always taught me, as Spike Lee's dad must have taught him, to always "Do the right thing." It's what I try to live by, and it's an important lesson for all of us to remember as we face the challenges of life.
Without delving into too much detail on a public forum 🙂 I will just say I needed needed to read this.
Trying not to be all things to all people I find is the hardest lesson to learn for most women. We are nurturers by nature. Thanks for the great reminders!
I also am celebrating mid-life, and so far a survivor of M.S. Thank you for your empowered words. Needed them.......Stay well and be strong.
I have seen that Mother Theresa quote many times and it never fails to inspire and REMIND me of my mission, just be true. Also, I love the words above.... maybe you don't need to change someone's mind, just your perspective. My baby sister once told me that when people are being unkind to you, it's because they are in pain. I don't always have the fortitude to remember that at the time. But as we often do, when I'm noodling in my mind over and over some slight, I come back to that....oh...they were in pain. It help changes my perspective.
Beautiful reminder I needed to hear today as I struggle, yet again, to not feel I own everyones problems and need to fix them. As they say, "put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others". Thanks Cathy!
Cathy,
Absolutely agree, thanks for the booster shot reminder.
A few years ago, I decided to be authentic in all things, which is another way of saying that I would be myself. That meant that I had to stop lying - to others AND to myself. I also became very good at disappointing people for not being who they need me to be. It's still a journey.
Good luck with the writing!
I love that Mother Theresa quote too. Oh how different the world would be if we all lived this way. I love this post this year too!
Empowering words, as always, Cathy. Thank you for the reminder. I tend to take the silence of others too personally. I'll think about you and this next time I'm tempted.
I agree, Cathy. Do the right thing, stand by your principles, accept that things don't always go your way, make the best of it and move on. That's the beauty of what age can do for you!
You have no idea how much this resonates with me this week. Your sister is so wise. By the way, that is not a quote of Mother Theresa's. It was posted on the wall of her mission but she did not say it.
It's all about focusing on the challenge of love. It's on us, but not about us.
Great reminder to be kind to ourselves as well as others. We do the best we can to get along with everyone but it doesn't always work out. In the end we can only be accountable to ourselves.
This is a really important and difficult lesson to learn. I have always tried to teach my kids that they can't control other people's actions or feelings and the only thing they have control of is their own reaction. The older I get, the less I care about what other people think. We have to remain true to ourselves and not worry about pleasing anyone else.
Yep, respecting that silence and others' right to deal with life in their own way is absolutely doing the right thing and honoring yourself. I met a woman in St. Lucia, a young teacer with a powerful empowering voice, who was teaching her students about indepence. I think her thoughts tell the rest of the story here Cathy. She said, "Indepence is not doing your own thing, it doing the right thing your own way." That means honoring yourself but honoring others in the context of life.
Keep writing, keep writing, keep writing!
Silence can be comforting or scary, depending on our point of view. I'm an only child, used to entertaining myself. As an adult, I've never lived in a place where I had neighbors, so I thrive in silence. I guess I'm a true Gemini, because the other side of me loves people, and I look forward to being with friends and finding time to meet new friends, like you... Speaking of new friends, I'll be in NYC this week. Can meet Monday the 9th or Friday the 13th. Any chance you'll be there? xoxox, Brenda
You have no idea how much I needed to read this important message. Thank you, Cathy!
Thoughtful post.
I like it - so true, Cathy!
OK. So how do you handle teenagers who do not follow the rules. As a teacher and mentor to High School Juniors and Seniors who are not compliant to rules and regulations such as not paying attention to your class and using electronic devices, etc. How does one handle "training" these rebellious souls? Respectfully submitted, Judith
Very wise words, Cathy. We are so trained to "talk it out" but times call for quiet or silence. A good lesson!
I was over 45 on a very public job when I was bullied, insulted and attacked , undermined to management by other women. It became a large scale act of war of hate that shut me out from work and former friends. The woman in charge did unprecedented evil to my life. They did not stop and my body finally broke from the daily stress and I became permanently disabled when bones broke and nerves stopped functioning. Today I have little use of either hand and permanent debilitating neck injuries. I was intelligent, educated and a happy person and they had to undermine my entire life , my only crime I was a happy person. I feel for the woman in your town . It's very stressful and I still suffer flashbacks , terribly debilitating depression and PTSD which will likely never go away. This I will add to my journal to help me. I know it was only about my being offered a promotion when others resented it. I know it was not about me but their lack of morals. It still hurts and as a result I do not trust and have few friend 15 years later and rarely go out. I find comfort in these wise words.
Such wise words! It has taken me this long to be OK with not everyone liking me! Here's to being brave & being ourselves & doing good anyway!
Two of my most inspirational people here - Dr. Wayne Dyer and Marcus Aurelius. I love Mother Teresa too and that quote is wonderful. What courage that lady had to stand up and say that to her bullies.
I totally get what you are saying here and believe it is spot on - however, even though I get it that silence from someone is about them, it doesn't stop me from hurting over it. I have such a situation in my life and I know it isn't about me, but because I care about that person and have blood ties, I don't like to think of the unhappiness behind the silence.
I find that hard to come to terms with. In some ways, when you let go of the ego state that leads you to believe its all about YOU, it's even harder. Thank you for the thought provoking nature of this post.