What word do you think Merriam Dictionary will choose for 2020? It's an impossible task to narrow down all the horrors taking place to a simple word or phrase. I chose a few possibilities below, but honestly, I could have done without 2020.

For me, it's been a year of staying home for long periods of time, washing my hands with extra thought and purpose, and being overly concerned that my husband, as careful as he is as the sole errand-runner in our house, will bring invisible germs home.

But wait! These are the same issues that I and 61 million disabled adults in the U.S. already worry about. 

My diagnosis changed the way I had to live. Stress and germs can be catalysts for flare-ups. Fatigue, numbness, and weakness can keep me home for days on end. Bladder dysfunction triggers anxiety, embarrassment, and the possibility of infections. Spasticity forces me to include more electrolytes in my diet.

When the pandemic hit it occurred to me that a window of opportunity might open up for the non-disabled community to better understand how the disabled community already lives. Avoiding germs, washing our hands, and staying far from coughs and sneezes is our way of life.

Perhaps our communities will forge a bond as we focus on taking care of ourselves and each other while remaining cautious about a world that offers hidden dangers.  

That's my hope.

After my diagnosis, it took me years to feel pride in who I was. Declining countless invitations and living life at a slower pace made me feel broken. But adversity often hands us silver linings, and mine catapulted me into a new direction. I began to dig deep, working hard on my inner self. I wanted to let go of the burden of negativity that crept in with MS. The self-doubt, loss of confidence, and negative self-image. I didn't want to go through life this way.

The work was hard but it helped me realize that I am enough just as I am. I wasn't broken because of an invisible illness. I was completely whole within my abilities. Robert Frost was right:

Courage. Resilience. Determination. Kindness. Mindfulness. Faith. Hope. Joy. Compassion. Love.

These are my guiding principles.

July is Disability Pride Month. I never wanted a disability but it's part of who I am. It's my story. The picture isn't always rosy. There are dark days and overwhelming struggles. But in the end, I choose to rely on counting my blessings, living in gratitude, and holding my head high. It might sound ridiculous or too "woo-woo" but it's what works for me.

I hope you'll choose to do the same. I wish you peace and good health. Please stay safe.

Namaste.