Fear. Illness. Disappointment. Anxiety.
The words dangle before my eyes, suspended in midair as if to taunt me. They hang in the balance as constant reminders of what is now. I close my eyes tightly, hoping the words will disappear. But when I open them they dance wildly as if to mock me for the hope that went unanswered.
I know I don’t have the corner on pain and sadness. But I’ve had more than my share, in ways I never imagined.
People mean well when they offer trite platitudes like “When one door closes another one opens” or “We get as much as the Lord thinks we can handle” but those maxims were created by people looking for easy answers. They’ve never stopped anyone’s anxieties.
Whatever lessons I’ve learned came from the brilliance of others who offered hope and resilience through words or action.
When I was thirteen my brother gave me the book “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran. I quickly devoured it. As I allowed the words to wash over me something powerful happened. My inner spirit came to life as if there was a birth. And there was. It was the beginning of my passion for philosophy and spirituality. I felt my inner spirit coming out of the darkness and into the light.
Gibran offered me a way to look at life through a different lens. Changing your perspective can change your world.
The wound is the place where the Light enters you. ~ Rumi
The words of great philosophers, poets and men and women of peace give us comfort during troubled times. Ordinary folks living their lives with integrity, dignity and compassion provide us with examples to live by.
They all give us the tools to live an honorable life in an imperfect world. Living is not determined by what life brings to us but by the attitude we bring to it.
At a young age I learned that my attitude would be the key to living a life of joy and passion. Little did I know how handy this would be at a seminal moment in my life when, at the tender age of twenty-eight, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and became part of the disability community. I leaned on the philosophy of Gibran to help me face my greatest challenge.
Buddhism helped me deal with adversity. When things fall apart, feel lucky instead of angry. Yes, lucky. By facing fear we find the courage to grow stronger. Leaning into fear is an opportunity to flourish.
I know that facing our fears is not an easy thing to do. Sometimes the adversities we face are almost too much to bear. Life can be cruel.
Sometimes life hurls bushels of lemons at us and we’re unable to make lemonade. Our troubles seem too difficult to overcome and we think we’ll never recover.
Breathe. Step outside of yourself and look through a new lens. We always have two choices: feel sorry for ourselves or treat the lemons as a gift. Every challenge is either an obstacle or an opportunity to grow. The choice is ours.
My lemon is my chronic illness. It’s a battlefield, a daily war zone of fatigue, pain, weakness, anxiety and even depression.
What's your lemon?
Every day I try to be grateful for the morning sunrise and the fact that I can get out of bed on my own. I'm grateful to be able to dress, bathe and feed myself. That I can walk and use both arms to hug my husband, son, and cats. I blessed to have work I’m passionate about and the ability to help others feel less frightened and isolated on their health journey.
And I can make my own choices.
No matter what course my disease takes in the coming years I will remain strong. I will always use my voice to make a difference in the lives of others, and let the world know that this disabled woman will always matter.
At some point in our lives we will all stand on the precipice of fear and must choose which direction we want to go. Life isn't always fair. It's not the Utopia we want it to be. So in the face of sadness and despair I hope we can remain forever strong.
How about you?
I choose to live in gratitude, no matter what lemons are thrown my way. I count my blessings, turn toward fear and keep my head in the direction of the sun to face another challenge. Because, as my favorite quote by Rumi says:
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
NOTE: This post was originally posted July 2015.
Hi Cathy,
I really enjoy reading your blog! You set an amazing example for the rest of us!
Have you considered combining your essays into a book?
Thank you for sharing your insight. I pray you have more pain free days than painful ones!
My Best,
Anne
It makes me sad to know you are in pain, Cathy. Writing can be very cathartic and I hope this is the case with you. I like the quotes you have share, particularly the one about seeing fear as an opportunity for growth. I never thought about it that way, but I will remember that. Sending you many hugs. xo
I'm so sorry that you're in such pain, Cathy. Hang on and keep writing about it and your life. So many of us learn from your words. xo
Cathy: Beautifully written again. You have a sister here, sharing your philosophy. You are right. Sometimes they are just lemons, but gratitude does help with the bitterness. I agree with Ann. Time to begin a book of your essays to help inspire and give hope to others. I already can see the cover. ; )
What beautiful quotes. I love that outlook. I know you are dealing with so very much right now and I know that sometimes it seems there is no end in sight. I just want to say enjoy every single day, even the bad ones. Those memories can get you through so much pain later. I am thinking of you and sending you lots of light and love. I'm always hear if you need to talk, vent, or cry whatever you need friend.
Thank you so much for your thoughts today, Cathy. They really strike a chord with me. I love the quotes you use. I particularly like the idea that one can choose how to see a situation, as an opportunity or a setback. I firmly believe that attitude is everything. It's my guiding light through the tough, dark times. But optimism can be so exhausting at times, as exhausting as this disease. Thank heaven for people like you and for all those who share their thoughts and inspiration. We all need to keep on keeping on!
I too read Gibran at a very young age and it was life altering for sure. I love what Dyer said it's so very true. We all have our burdens and dealing with them in a positive light is far better that's for sure. I make sure to gift each day to myself and never forget that no matter how tough things get, it can always be worse
Thank you for reaching out in your pain and sharing these quotes. I shall hold on to the Rumi quote today especially. Wishing you some gentle moments.
What a wonderful post! I am sorry about what you have gone through and .are go ing through. Pain can be immobilizing. But you are helping yourself and others by sharing your insight and experiences. Thank you.
Oh Cathy, you capture moments and flashes of insight with such clarity. And thank you, too, for sharing the Rumi quote, I was not familiar with it, and it touches and speaks to me. I am so sorry you have this wisdom, but thank you for sharing it.
I wish there was something I could do to help you. Just know that across the country I am sending you big hugs and loving thoughts. xoxo
Cathy, Thank you for putting your life into words so that others don't feel alone. I have a couple of friend's with the same illness and have told them about your blog. They have both told me at different times your words have got them through the hardest of days. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Cathy, I read all your posts. I do post my comments. Not sure if you have received them or not. I have to admit, I have felt a little envious of you.In the past five years I have become a noticeable handicapped person. Trying to maintain some vanity and some sense of pride, I struggle everyday. I too am in the same place as you. I'm in my latter fifties, married, have grown children, and no longer work. I have extreme fatigue but fortunately do not experience tremendous pain. Or maybe, have just gotten use to it. I have now progressed to secondary progressive MS. I was diagnosed 25 years ago, so am very grateful for the time I've had. Still am in denial about my progression, but continue to plunge forward everyday not to be beat by this disease. I know you mentioned you didn't have much free time, but if you can ever meet for a cup of tea, let me know. I have been keeping myself pretty busy with doing volunteer work and with the MS Activist movement. It is a constant struggle but I am trying to remain positive. Thank you for sharing your blog with us! I am sorry for any unpleasantness you are experiencing!
Janet Tancredi
You continue to be a great inspiration to so many, Cathy. It is so clearly your purpose....
Great outlook, Cathy! I am also thankful for the things I CAN do with this MS and do my best to keep a smile on my face! Best wishes to you!
Words on paper can be like syllables spoken.....simply "talking" or resonating with the listener/reader .......this article speaks to my soul and I am so grateful that you are sharing your God given insights and writing ability to encourage and inspire others. You always have my love. " Mom"
I love the words you share from Kahil Gibran, and they really are a light during difficult days that people can hold on to. Keep sharing your light.
Well played my friend. I, too, depend on my collection of quotes, paragraphs, and snippets for solace and comfort, as fear is a daily companion. Somehow by reading words that touch my soul, I don't feel alone.The writings of C.S. Lewis can knock me over with a feather. This is medicine for me as surely as the pills are. Grace to you.
Dearest Cathy. How well said. I shared this with Randy today...he is struggling to be more positive, and this helps. Bless you.
Sorry to see you have been given so many lemons, Cathy. But thank you for this inspiring posts. I love the Rumi quote but had not heard that one of Pema Chodron's before and it is very encouraging. Thank you too for sharing your experiences.
I really needed to read this today, Cathy. I try to live a grateful and a mindful life but have been overwhelmed lately and needed this reminder. I know that you are dealing with a lot too and I am so sorry for everything you are dealing with and feeling.
Thank you for these beautiful words and oh my that picture with the trees and the light made me teary, it is perfect.
You are so talented, inspirational and a beautiful person. Hugs!
Oh, Cathy, you are truly a light in a dark world. I'm sorry for your pain and your sadness, and I hope that the positives always outweigh the negatives for you. You do so much for others and I hope you truly feel the love coming back to you. I wish we weren't 3000 miles apart. xo
Cathy I'm sorry about all of the lemons life is dumping on you and impressed by your spirit and how different your ways of coping are from mine. When things turn awful in my life I complain. I don't quote anything profound or inspire anybody. I just kvetch!
Write about your path as often as you can.So many are in pain and need your experience and truth. i know I do
Cathy, your beautiful words always inspire and touch my heart. I wish I could help lift you up as you do for others. I hope the lemons soon become something as sweet and wonderful as you are. A delicious lemon cake perhaps? xo
Beautiful. Thank you for these words. I wish you an easing of your pain.
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Hi Cathy! Thank you so much for putting this post out for those who missed it the first go around. It is so very wise and SMART! I too love Kahil Gibran and Rumi so that's not surprise. And while those reminders are appreciated, it is in the context of your own personal story that makes this post so touching. And while I can't imagine what it takes for your to keep facing your day with hope and optimism, I suspect it is because, as you say, practicing gratitude. Thank you for reminding me of what I usually take for granted. ~kathy
Oh Cathy, your words always pull me into your framed perspective. The frames are exquisite, but the "painting" can be dark and pain-filled. Thank you for creating pieces to open people's eyes and hearts. I had forgotten but will not again forget Rumi's words. They speak to me, touch me, and heal me.
So inspirational Cathy! I couldn't agree more. Life is a kaleidoscope if you don't like the view just turn and look at it from a different angle.