Pink Princess phone
Photo: collarcitybrownstom
Vera and Mame: “We’ll always be bosom buddies,
Friends, sisters and pals.
We’ll always be bosom buddies,
If life should reject you,
There’s me to protect you.”
It’s either “Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve Week”, or menopause and MS are playing kickball with my emotions.
Lately I’ve been drawn to blog posts talking about what happens when someone “divorces” you, and the heartache that goes along with it.
If a friend divorces you, or you divorce them, the hurt and anguish feel the same.
Vera: “If I say that your tongue is vicious,
Mame: If I call you uncouth.
Vera and Mame: It’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy,
Will sit down and tell you the truth.”
When do you stop feeling like a 12-year-old child at a dance who impatiently waits for someone to notice you? When a friend dismisses you, you feel like a child sitting on the sidelines.
One of the women I consider my mentors has always had friendships figured out. She’s a strong and vibrant woman who has the knack of understanding whether a person is genuine or not. I’ve watched her over the years and met her many circles of friends.
I asked her how she avoids getting hurt or disappointed by people. She paused for a moment, trying to find the right words to say.
“I enjoy the part of each person that first attracted me to them. If someone enjoys movies, we watch movies together. If they’re interested in music or theatre, we go out to enjoy a show. I listen to my instincts as a guide for cultivating friendships. If something doesn’t feel right, I honor that feeling and act on it. Everyone gets hurt or disappointed. That’s a part of life. I just try to minimize it by following my heart.”
Sound advice.
Vera (speaking): “Tho’ now and again I’m aware that my candid opinion may sting.
Mame: Tho’ often my frank observation might scald,
I’ve been meanin’ to tell you for years,
You should keep your hair natural like mine.
Vera: If I kept my hair natural like yours, I’d be bald.”
I’ve always been a trusting soul, trying to believe there’s some good in everyone. That attitude has left me wide open for hurt and disappointment.
Those are hard lessons to learn.
Now that I’m in my Second Chapter, I work on paying closer attention to my instincts. Perhaps I’m a bit cynical and protective of myself, yet I still try to find some good in everyone.
I’m meeting intelligent, passionate and caring women. The sisterhood is still alive and well and living in the midlife bloggers. The younger bloggers I’ve met are wonderful, too. (Do they mind being called “mommy bloggers?)
In the age of social media, friendships are trickier to maintain. In the “old days’, our choices to stay in touch were picking up the phone to call a friend, or writing a letter to someone living far away.
Today Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and emails have replaced phone calls. Texting is the fastest way to quickly reach out and touch someone.
But wait! Have you checked all of the “likes”, private messages and texts you received today? Have you returned every comment or text?
It’s easy to feel slighted if a friend doesn’t “like” your post on Facebook, retweet your comment on Twitter, or return a text on your cell phone.
It’s easy to get lost in social media to try to keep up with all of your friends. It takes a good deal of time to read and respond to everyone.
I’ve come to the conclusion the best way to maintain a friendship is still the old fashioned way. Make plans to get together. Schedule a Google Hangout. Or do something rebellious like placing an old-fashioned phone call.
I’ve known my three closest friends since grade school. They ground me. Like Vera and Mame, we’ve cultivated our own tightly knit sisterhood. We raise each other up during good times and bad. We are always there for each other. They are my sisters. They are my friends.
As we get older, the importance of tending to our friendships grows more apparent with each passing year. According to The Mayo Clinic, friends can enrich your life and improve your health:
Good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. Friends prevent loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. Friends can also:
Vera and Mame: “Just turn to your bosom buddy,
For aid and affection,
For help and direction,
For loyalty, lot and for sooth!
Remember that who else but a bosom buddy,
Will sit down and level,
And give you the devil,
Will sit down and tell you the truth!" ~Bosom Buddies, Mame
How do you tend to your friendships?
I admit it - I am not very good at keeping in touch with long distance friends. I rarely use the phone. Letters or emails are written less and less frequently. Yet, when I am "home," we still hang out and talk all day and enjoy each others' company as if we'd seen each other yesterday.
This is such a good post, Cathy, because even though it seems like social media should make it easier to stay in touch, in some ways it makes it more complicated. It is virtually impossible to keep up with everyone's messages, likes, comments -- and you really have to realize that many of those fall through the cracks simply because the internet moves so fast. My friends, including you, are so important to me and yet I know that I still miss a lot of these interactions. I think you're right that we need to schedule time to devote to our friendships. There is nothing better than doing that in person, and you and I will DEFINITELY be spending time together in NY at the end of September. Love you, Cathy. xo
Another wonderful post, Cathy! First of all, you have me singing "Bosom Buddies" in my head (in Beatrice Arthur's voice). I LOVED that song and that show. Secondly, I feel the stress of "engaging" online just as you do. It is virtually impossible to keep up with it. What is the solution?? Also, I like what your friend said about maintaining friendships. Very wise words. Thanks for getting my brain up and running this morning!
I was just thinking about this yesterday and decided I need to be a better friend, one who calls more often, arranges more get-togethers, shares more. But there is one thing I know- I don't need the shear numbers anymore. For me- it's the quality that counts. So beautifully written Cathy. I hope we get to know each other more deeply and for a lifetime.
That was fun to read! - thanks for writing it so well and I enjoyed the video too.
Gee, I probably don't tend to them with the effort needed...and as a result I don't get the rewards I seek. It's hard as my dearest friends live far away.
When it comes to SM and virtual friends some people are fickle and some are sincere...I guess it's a process of weeding out the chatter to find those few you can connect with.
Love the photos of you and your friends.
Thoughtful post. I tend to my hub's friendship, some social media, and that's all I have time for!
What a beautiful post~
One of the things that happened with social media is that the definition of a "friend" expanded greatly...we certainly have to tend the friendships that matter most.
Best, Irene
I guess in a way I'm fortunate that my online and offline worlds don't cross over too much! Makes the distinctions easier to manage. I like this though, and there's a lot of truth in what you say that the important things about our friends will still shine through, even on challenging days.
Wow, great information regarding friendship, Cathy!- I enjoyed reading it and I also, take stock of friends and try to determine who is a "surface friend" and who will go the distance with me.-LOL! I recently saw "Mame" in Philadelphia and I remember that song!
Thanks!
Kelly Connor
Wonderful post Cath and very true. How I wish we lived closer!! I believe it will happen one day:) The pictures of us in the photo booth made me laugh and smile.... Hugs to you and love ya sister!
This is lovely, my friend. You're so right about there being SO MUCH to stay on top of. I really cannot stand talking on the phone, so I love texting. Funny thing, though, it's mostly just family I text with. I need to get better about texting (and yes, talking) with my friends.
♥
honest answer...I don't know! I have one friend that I meet for a walk after work every 2nd Wednesday. The others...well...I guess I am going to have to think about it and do something about it. Thanks for a good post.
When it comes down to it, I think you have to keep friendships the old fashioned way. We can't always be there to like everyone's post or comment on everyone's blog, but when push comes to shove a true friend will be there when you need her. I love using Google hangouts with friends who aren't close to me geographically. It feels like the next best thing to being in the same room!
And I'm not a fan of the term mommy blogger. I'm a mom who blogs. Mom blogger is okay, but mommy blogger? Eh