The BEAST that's lived in my body for more than half of my life started to erupt over the last few years in unsettling and disruptive ways.  The odd thing is that, for the first time in my MS life, I'm experiencing the denial phase that typically begins after a diagnosis.

It's been a wake-up call to come face-to-face with the harsh reality of MS, possible progression, and aging.

Life never follows a straight line.

When I first learned I had MS I hadn't a clue what was in store for me, the unexpected detours and undeniable disappointments that could lie ahead.

When you're young, and there's no internet to provide millions of reasons to worry about your future, you think you're invincible despite a medical condition.

What probably saved me from any mental hiccups was my fertile imagination, and the ability to jump into a daydream whenever I needed an escape.

Real-life problems were something that happened to others. I felt safe and healthy inside my self-created cocoon.

Ah, youth. 

I was fortunate to have two loves I could lean on for support.

One was an obsession with black and white films. Their Hollywood happy endings and bigger-than-life actors provided me with a haven. They'd transport me to places I never wanted to leave.

James Stewart, Cary Grant, and Katharine Hepburn in "The Philadelphia Story"

The second love was immersing myself in nature, spending hours and hours in the natural world of animals and plants.

Growing up in a home surrounded by woods I fell in love with the nighttime sound of crickets, watching the change of seasons, and the perfection of wildlife outside my door.

Nature taught me crucial lessons that still serve me well:

• How to quiet the mind
• How to focus on the breath
• The feeling of calm and spiritual rejuvenation.
• An overall feeling of happiness and awe.

Classic films and the natural world are like old reliable friends who always have your back.

I wish I could bottle them as a panacea for the world's problems.

"If there's a single lesson that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so."  ~Lev Grossman, The Magician

As I look back at my younger self, a wide-eyed twenty-something living with a disease, I realize how much I've changed.

Time has taught me the value of setting boundaries, ending toxic relationships, accepting truths, traveling through grief and pain, and struggling with the loneliness that comes with chronic illness.

It's a gut punch being unable to keep up with the rest of the world.

As a teenager, I felt a kinship with Henry David Thoreau after reading "Walden" about simple living in natural surroundings. He wrote his "life in the woods" while living in a cabin he built near Walden Pond in Massachusetts.

I'd kiss Thoreau on the cheek if I could thank him for all he's meant to me.

"Although truth can be found in literature, it can also be found in nature." ~ Henry David Thoreau

Living with MS has never been easy but as I passed my sixtieth birthday, and felt overwhelming personal and physical changes, I saw life through a clearer lens.

Like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon,  my metamorphosis was eye-opening and deeply challenging.

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood." ~Helen Keller

The BEAST of MS can be painful, unpredictable, and disturbing.

As hard as it is I still believe there's a silver lining to any situation if you look for it. What was mine?

The silver lining was realizing it was about time to start preparing for the inevitability of life's ups and downs. I decided to begin by:

• Diving into the inner work of self-understanding and self-exploration to create a healthier life.
• Committing to holistic practices to become more grounded while reducing worry and anxiety.
• Finding hobbies or interests to keep the mind engaged and relaxed.

Devoting myself to the list below is something that's within my control.

Now that's a silver lining!

(NOTE: I have no affiliation of any kind with the links below. I provide them for your enjoyment and hope you'll take the time to explore them for yourself) :

Inner Timer app
Cory Muscara 
Mindfulness.com app
Tapping
The Tapping Solution app
Chair yoga
Cornell Lab Bird Cam - Talk about a calming experience! Watch LIVE cams from around the world for "a virtual window into the natural world of birds." (We watch these on YouTube)

Here's when BEAUTY and the BEAST collide!

With so much going on in our lives my wonderful husband instinctively knew how to lift my spirits. After 34 years of marriage, we can read each other's hearts.

He took me on a trip to the New York Botanical Gardens and their gorgeous (a/k/a BEAUTY)  orchid show!

It was absolutely ah-may-zing. A completely magical day.

The BEAUTY was in the flowers, and the love, that I felt that day. I will never forget how special it made me feel.

Find something big, small, or anything in between that puts a smile on your face. Whatever it is it's what's right for YOU.

You. Deserve. Something. Special. Today. And. Always.

MS is only a part of who we are. Sprinkle the rest of your life with love and laughter.   

We are in this together. 

Now on with the show! Sit back and drink in these beauties that I posted just for you.